"On The Dock" with the BAITMAN

200.66 - Welcome To The Baitman Website

2008-02-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

Welcome to “On The Dock”…with the Baitman.

The character of the Baitman was developed from a rather simple idea: Wouldn’t life be so much more simpler if we just went Fishing and opened up a Bait Shop?

Now having so much extra time at hand, why not ponder ways to solve all the world’s problems from the comfort of a Pontoon Boat. As the Baitman pondered and reflected, a large volume of expose’ developed and accumulated. This website is a collection of writings and correspondence that resulted in nearly 400 printed pages since the year 2000.

Credit goes to the many relatives and friends who instigated much of the subject matter by knowing sufficiently how to “Stir It Up” to solicit a response by the author. The Baitman incorporates Politics, Social Commentary, New Inventions, and Personal Interests – all presented together with a serious approach to humor and satire.

It is hoped that you will enjoy the collection of “spoofs” and perhaps send a comment or two. This is a permanent Website, so check back periodically for more “useless” information as we get around to publishing it. Thank You and Good “Phishing”…..

Sincerely,
BAITMASTER
Ethernet-fish@charter.net

Baitman Enterprises
2/1/08
200.66

200.65 - Baitman Debit Card

2008-02-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

YOU ARE PRE-APPROVED FOR THE NEW BAITMAN DEBIT CARD.....

You have been selected to receive one of the First Fish Internet Cards issued by BAITMAN ENTERPRISES, already recognized as the BEST global Worm Provider.

This card is a "Must Have" for every Fisherman's Tackle Box.....DON'T Go Fishing without it...

This card connects you to all of the BAITMAN services that you have enjoyed over the years, but now it is al Wireless, Instant, and honored wherever you take your BAITMAN Card.

Use it for your next "Fish N'Chicks" Cruise, Order European Worms online, purchase hooks, bobbbers, and even Hook N' Cook recipe books from the Baitman Store.

New applicants also receive ONE FULL GALLON of Gasoline for their Fishing Boat. You know how it "sucks" when you are fishing All Day, finally hook the BIG one....but ran out of gas and have to float home whenever you get there. No More....Just whip out the BAITMAN CARD. We NET-WORK with all Fishing Vessels, and we will make sure you get another gallon of gas.

Getting your BAITMAN card easy......IT IS FREE..... all you need to do is fill out the application.

We pretty much simply ask you to reveal everything about yourself, send us a couple of your old credit cards that still have some balance on them, to verify credit worth , and we take from there.

After we receive your Application we will forward to our Fraudulent Fishing Department for review. You can understand that some applicants sometimes overstate their "Net-Worth".

Once you are APPROVED... we will issue you the BAITMAN CARD and include a copy of the Terms & Agreement. For your convience, the following Disclosure terms are noted...but you need not bother wil all that "Small" print... Just Grab the CARD and GO FISHING.......

Disclosures:

APR premium rates will be established based on the International market price of Worms. We use Asian Stock quotes since they get up earlier than most fishermen. Current interest rate is 19.99% plus per diem dock fees. There are no Annual Fees for the BAITMAN CARD, but deposits of of un-used credit cards deposited with application will not be returned upon termination of this agreement. A charge of 3% will be assigned to cardholders who do not maintain an inventory of at least 100 worm inches. A monthly purchase of (3) "36" worms will keep the account in good standing. Late Fees are $25.00 per biling cycle. You will be billed this Fee each month, but may get a Re-BAIT at the end of the year by filling out form Fish 2061b and submit one more "credit card" as identification. Re-Baits may not be used as credit towards monthly statement, but are redeemable in the Baitman Store. International Use of this Card will be billed an additional $42.00/month. Those who order from our European or Canadian Worm stock will be assumed to be fishing ouside the US Waterways. An OVER THE LIMIT charge may also be imposed. Subscribers who catch more Fish than they are allowed to will be OVER THE LIMIT and Baitman is held harmless from all legal recourse. Fishermen who order BAITMAN PRODUCTS using the Card, and Catching More Fish than Bait Records provide will also be accessed the OVER LIMIT Charge. Fees start at 3.99/Hour. Any Questions: Just Call: 1-800-BAITMAN.

Baitman Credit Department

Baitman Enterprises
11/14/05
200.65

200.64 - Green Hornet Fishing Pole

2008-01-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

To Our Concerned Customers:

It has been reported that an Illegal Ice Penetrator is attempting to access the Territorial Baitman Waters in an unauthorized manner.

It seems that the Perpetrator , known only as "Billy O", has manufactured a funky pole device to access the waterways through the ice. Our investigators have discovered that he is distributing his products through E-Bay.

price: US $21.00

End time:Feb-01-08 18:42:33 PST (1 day 23 hours)

Shipping costs:

US $6.00
US Postal Service Priority Mail^®

Ships to:United States

Item location: Hamburg, MI, United StatesHistory:0 bids

Not much is known about this "Billy O" at this time, but it is reported that he thinks he needs no license agreement with the Baitman since "Ice" is no longer water, thus an uncontrolled substance. It has also been discovered that He has set up his manufacturing facilities in the same neighborhood as the former "Better Baits" outfit.

The Baitman certainly encourages new product development, but all products need to be endorsed by, and carry,our "BUL" (Baitman Underwater Labs) Seal of Approval, so that we can collect the appropriate royalties.

It is suspected that the company will experience a meltdown by Spring and will just become another .dot com trying to manipulate the Bait Business.

The Baitman urges that "Billy O" come forward and present himself with his true intentions, properly sign New Product Licenses, and agree to use only approved Baitman Bait with his product.

The Baitman is also offering a "1000 Worm Reward" for further information.

Sincerely,

Frozen Bait Department

Baitman Enterprises
1/30/08
200.64

200.63 - Home of the "36" Worm

2008-01-29T19:35:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN DEVELOPS NEW '36' INCH SUPER TERRESTRIS

PRESS RELEASE:

Baitman Enterprises... Home of the 36" Worm

Baitman Research has now developed a "Super Terrestris" worm measuring out a full "36" inches. According to "Worm Digest Magazine" it appears that Baitman's New Product Line will bring the final demise to it's "Loser" competitor known as "Better Baits".

The Fishing world is now revolutionized.....never have to buy a Dozen worms again and carry all of those nasty containers around in your Tackle Box.

The "Super Terrestris Worm" is a Full 36 inches - You simply "Snip Off" the desired amount depending on the type of fishing that you are doing. It is suggested to Snip off a little "extra" if you are going for the "Big One".....

Directions: Simply Snip the desired amount based on the size of the Fish that you are seeking to catch. The Rest is best stored in Baitman Tequila. Product is safe to eat by all Fish and Fishermen.

BBQ recipes available for Fishermen who have no time to Fish.

You can trust BAITMAN to continually research the Worm World in order to develop the "BEST" of Baits....

Service Support: 1-800-BAITMAN.

Baitman Enterprises
8/16/06
200.63

200.62 - Baitman License Plates

2008-01-29T19:14:00.000-08:00

200.61 - Baitman Monopoly Game

2008-01-28T19:37:00.001-08:00

THE BAITMAN PRESENTS......

The New "GLOBAL EDITION" of MONOPOLY....

For those who have not played Monopoly for awhile we remind you that you start at "GO". From that point on there are some changes in this Fishing Expedition that are not traditional from the game when you were a kid. We will explain in the following Game Rules.

The Object of the Game is rather Simple. All you have to do is to make it around the Board and Buy as many Worms as you can from the Baitman to be the WINNER.
First, you must make a Deposit by placing all of your money into the BAITMAN BANK. This will get the game started.

GAME TIPS & RULES:

1. You only get One Dice (Die) - to roll. This is the "House Edge" to keep the game at a moderate speed and to obtain more Baitman Sales. Valued customers may be offered the chance to buy an additional "Die" at a later time.

2. You must present your own "Token" at the "GO" position. We suggest a Minnow, Worm, or Cricket as such. Players using large tokens such as Dogs and Cats will not be allowed to proceed.

3. BOARDWALK PLACE: Unlike regular Monopoly, this is NOT where you want to end your game. This is considered DRY DOCK and obviously you have demonstrated no Fishing Skills.

4. COMMUNITY CHEST CARDS: These cards usually make you donate back to the Baitman Bank the Catches that you have accumulated.

5. CHANCE CARDS: These cards are pretty Valuable to the Player. Sometimes you will earn Double-Bait Bucks, A Free Fishing Shack, Collect Worms from all other Players - But if you get the ADVANCE TO BOARDWALK.... YOU LOSE....YOU GET NOTHING !!!!!!!

6. RAILROADS: We don't use Rail Roads anymore for Fishing, so these are Free Spaces.

7. HOUSES: You may purchase "Fishing Shacks" on properties by buying the required amount of Bait. If You have sufficient funds, you may purchase a "Bait Shop" (Hotel).

8. If you land on "FREE PARKING" you advance to the nearest Railroad. IF you land in "JAIL" you advance to BOARDWALK.... (Sorry, that's just the way the software was written.

Per the "EQUAL FISHING OPPOR-TUNA ACT" . sponsored by BAITMAN in Congress, 2001. and in the interest of FAIR CATCHING and GAMING, will provide upon request. detailed Algebraic Formulation used in the design of this software.

Contact: BAITMASTER

REGISTER: Please send me the current Baitman Catalog 2005 Edition. or portions of it as we get around to publishing it. You will be discreetly billed funds as we feel necessary to keep this boat afloat. Once in awhile, you will be sent a free worm or some Baitman product for Consumer/Test Analysis. If you give a favorable response we will give some credit to your account or free coupons.

Baitman Enterprises
1/26/03
200.61

200.60 - Heart Smart Bait

2008-01-27T19:40:00.000-08:00

THE AMERICAN HEART ASSOCIATION APPROVES

BAITMAN "36" WORM FOR NUTRIENT VALUES

2006 Diet and Lifestyle Recommendations:

The American Heart Association continually reviews products that may be helpful in prevention of cardiovascular disease. A "Healthy Heart" is usually a combination of a good Lifestyle, and nutritious Foods. The association today now explores products that perhaps were considered non-foods only ten years ago. There is a host of Natural and Organic Healthy Foods around us.

Baitman Enterprises has always promoted the "Heart Smart" lifestyle in the interest of Sport Fishing and Outdoor Relaxation. Most products that the Baitman promotes (Fish, Minnows, Worms, etc.) are rich in Omega 3 - fatty acids that promote healthy vascular function.

The Association has reviewed the Baitman's New "36" Worm which is now sweeping the Coasts. Extensive Laboratory Tests and Research validates the stated Nutritional Claims. In addition, the Product, is indeed, safe to be eaten both by Fish and Fishermen.

The Baitman "36" Worm comes in two types of packaging. The "Worm" comes either in a dry "Wormwood Container", or wet, packed in a Tequila Bottle. The Heart Association Endorses BOTH products, but seek the advice of your Physician if you suffer headaches from the wet-pack.

Nutrition Values:

Baitman 36" Worm

Serving Size: 1 inch

36 servings per Bait Container

CALORIES from fat - 100% Daily Value

Saturated Fat - 100%

Sodium (Salt) - 100%

Cholesterol - 0% Lo Fat Worm

Dietary Fiber - 25g

Carbohydrates - 300mg

Sugars- 65g

Protein - 2400mg

Vitamins Added: B, A,I, T and others

Iron - 0% - product designed to float

Contact Baitman Enterprises for more

information and a complete cookbook

of "Worm Recipes".

1-800-BAITMAN

Baitman Enterprises
10/10/06
200.60

200.59 - Baitman Fishing Tour T-Shirt

2008-01-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

Baitman Fishing Tour 2006

AVAILABLE IN: Small - Medium - Large - XXL Large

Baitman Disclosure:

This Custom Tee Shirt is designed as illustrated and is modeled by one of our own Baitman Cruise Staff Members. You may order in a variety of sizes, but please be advised, that the Larger the Size Selected, You actually get less shirt, but more Model. It is suggested that you order the Shirts in Dozens and Variety of Sizes (like our Worms), since Baitman can not be held responsible of the consequences of whether Shirts are actually worn or NOT worn.

Baitman Enterprises
1/18/06
200.59

200.58 - Baitman Halloween Costume

2008-01-27T18:25:00.000-08:00

Attention:

Baitman Customers

All USA Associates:

SEASONAL SCAM ALERT....

We have been advised that the once defunct "Better Baits" has surfaced once again. In a Bold move, he even set up his operation on the GRAND RIVER which runs straight through our Baitman Waterways in this town. The entire Operation is under "Disguise" using a Halloween Outlet Store as a front.

We sent in our Undercover Investigators to see what is going on. First, it seems that he is having his own problems with the local officials. On the Front Door they have posted a large Orange Sticker - " NO FISHING HERE ". It was also noted that there was no "Handicap Boat Docking" facilities.

Inside, Our Investigators found a huge "Meat Department" which is nothing else than "Bait" being sold in a disguise. The Shelves are loaded with Unauthorized Products that are not licensed by our "Fin N Fur" Dept" - like Wigs, Hooks, Clubs, Spears. etc.

When our Mystery Shoppers attempted to make a Purchase to gather evidence, It was noted that the Credit Card machine automatically "DECLINES" the Baitman Debit Card.

Baitman Enterprises works continuously to develop ways to "Disguise" our Fisherman Appearance in order to "FOOL" the Fish Population. This Item is now available for only $29.95 when placing your Regular Bait Order. Yes, We DO ACCEPT the Baitman Debit Card.

Baitman Enterprises
10/10/07
200.58

200.57 - Baitman Astro Fishing Stick

2008-01-27T11:27:00.000-08:00

NEW ASTRO FISHING STICK

This New “Astro” Stick will be a a multi-purpose Fishing Stick which can easily be converted, with accessories, to a Fishing Rod, Golf Club, or even a Rabbit Club.

The secret of the construction is the use of rare kryptonite, thus making Fiberglass and Titanium products obsolete. The Astro Fishing Stick is a “Universal Tool” and utilizes the best of Space Age Technology.

Hot Invention…. Supplies will be limited. We are signing up dealerships now and encourage you to reserve your Sales Territory Now….All Accessories, Worms, Minnows, Golf Balls, and Rabbits will be supplied from the regular Fin ‘N Fur Division. One “Stick” can now do it all….

Disclaimer: Baitman will not sell this product to any Police or Governmental Agencies who already have “Clubs & Stick-like” accessories. Nor will this product be sold to any organization that does not adhere to “Right To Club” agenda. This would include the Humane Society, PETA, and most Vegetarians.

The Astro Fishing Stick is environmental friendly and fireproof. You can use this product On Land, In the Air, or By Sea. ORDER YOURS TODAY…..

Baitman Enterprises
2/27/01
200.57

200.56 - Baitman Mail Box (F)

2008-01-27T10:53:00.000-08:00

Customer Crawler Complaint

Dear Sir

Thank you for your correspondence concerning the “Crawlers” that you ordered and that you claim don’t “crawl….

We operate a reputable and outstanding Bait Supply company and do not tolerate any negative complaints. For this reason we turned the matter over to our Complaint Bureau for a complete investigation. The report is as follows:

The Baitman supplies a variety of Baits including “Fresh”, “Artificial”, and “Freeze-Dried”. It is concluded that the customer ordered Artificial Bait which is the reason why they didn’t crawl.
Actually, The Baitman noticed the error and corrected the order to “Fresh”, but it has been determined that the customer ignored the instructions that were included in the packing slip. It very clearly states, “in small print” that our Fresh Bait is not to be used in Salt Water. The customer not only killed his own bait but also voided all warranties.

We value your patronage, but we just can’t be having these complaints which may damage our reputation. Any report on your part to the “Worm Bureau” will be considered Libelous and slanderous which will result in us not including packing slips in future orders and thus all orders received would be “as is”.

We regret to take such action to such a valued customer. All this can be avoided simply by “stopping your complaining”. We know that you will understand our position. Good Fishing, Sir.

Baitman Enterprises
2/15/01
200.56

200.55 - Baitman Fishing Scholarship

2008-01-24T19:34:00.000-08:00

Baitman Awards Fishing Scholarship

Take Me Fishing For many years,BAITMAN has been growing the industry through dedicated programs that help in the recruitment of new anglers.

At a time when many parents are concerned that their kids spend far too much time indoors, fishing is a good way to motivate them to get off the couch. Fishing differs from many other forms of outdoor recreation because it not only gives kids a lasting way to connect to nature, it improves family communication in ways few activities can. It has also been an excellent source for creating new Worm Buyers.

This year the BAITMAN AWARD goes to ANNA SPIROKA, 9 years old from Rochester Hills, Michigan - The Great Lakes State.

Anna got her great catch on a "Barbie Fishing Pole" and did not even need a Fishing License to enter the Baitman competition.

Prizes Awarded:

a) 500 Free Baitman Worms

b) Baitman Debit Card

c) Baitman Tee Shirt

d) One Free Class at Baitman Fishing School

The Barbie Pole is now available in the Baitman Store.

Regular Price: $20.00 - "Special Anna Price" - FREE with any

Worm Purchase from the Baitman. Must order by Midnite. Supplies

very limited. First come, first served.....
Photo:

Anna Spiroka - Rochester Hills, Mich. Holding a "36" Monster

caught on a Barbie Pole with a Baitman 36" Worm.

Baitman Enterprises
6/17/06
200.55

200.54 - Worm Mobile

2008-01-23T20:22:00.000-08:00

Mr. Sir:

Thank You for the interest that you expressed in our WORM Mobile.

I spoke to the Baitman personally this morning and I am happy to confirm that the Mobile does indeed come with (2) Worms. You expressed a concern to carry a Dozen or more worms at a time....but this is only our two Worm Model.

This is a Worm Safety issue per the "WSOTA" act, 2002. (Worm Safety/Occupation/Transport Act).

Most States now require adhereance to the Worm Protection Act (WPA) and will not allow transport of more than two worms at a time without approved transport containers which are, of course, always available from Baitman Enterprises.

To encourage your purchase of our WormMobile, Baitman is offering at no charge, a special Tire Upgrade:

MAXXIS WORMDRIVE CX TIRE - SUPER ALL-TERRAIN WORM PERFORMANCE

These are Super Slick Worm Racing Tires

Made from Genuine Worm Casings and test at

60psi. For Loose or Hardpack Soil Conditions.

All Natural Fibers and Environment Friendly.

Baitman Enterprises
1/10/06
200.54

200.53 - Indoor Fishing Pond

2008-01-23T17:59:00.000-08:00

Global Warming Alert

Baitman Enterprises has received a "RED" alert that indicates that Worms needed for the Christmas Season may be in short supply due to GLOBAL WARMING.

Our loyal Ice Fishermen have never paid attention to Global Warming, being sufficiently cold enough....Others, however have turned to Santa Claus....thinking that he has the main source of Worms during the winter months...ready to stuff the stockings.

It seems that due to the results of the last Election, the Democrats have turned-up the Global Warming Program and even Santa and his Reindeer will not be able to pluck enough worms.

Please be informed that the Worm & Bait supplies to many of our USA customers will be interrupted for a season. This week the US congress passed the "Global Warming Environmental Act" (Act 69597 - 2006) which will effect most of our Northern States by mandatory freezing of Fishing Ponds and Lakes.

If Your Favorite Fishing Site has been "Red-Tagged" by the Government (like above), we encourage you write to your Congressman. The Baitman Legal Staff is working hard to oppose this new law and we expects to get a Supreme Court Order reversing this law by Spring 2007. This law is discrimatory and does not treat all Fishermen equally. In addition, it violates many of the historic Indian Tribes "Right to Fish" Treaties which are mostly in the Northern USA. The final swing vote was on Alaska, who decided that they like it that way.

Well, LET YOUR HEART NOT BE TROUBLED.......

In Response, until this matter is resolved, Baitman Enterprises has created a Political Action Committee and constructed a building to house the offices.

MEGA INDOOR FISHING POND

This New Facility is an INDOOR Pond for our northern US customers. It will be fully stocked with Fish and a ready supply of Bait For Sale. The Baitman plans to Host several Fishing Tournaments throughout the Season. A Fun Place for the Whole Family. The Gift Shop will have T-Shirts, Tackle, and Bait.

The Concession Stand will feature products from our Worm Recipe Book, Beer, and of course the famous Baitman Tequila (with the free worm).

RESERVE YOUR TICKETS ON-LINE NOW.

Baitman Enterprises
11/5/06
200.53

200.52 - Desktop Worm Meter

2008-01-23T17:44:00.000-08:00

Introducing: The Baitman Worm Meter

Loads onto your Desktop Computer so you can keep track of of Baitman Worm Shipments per minute. Always know the status of our Global Network.

Order NOW to get your Worms on-time. As you can see, we are very busy

as the Holiday Season approaches.

Good Fishing,

Baitman Enterprises
11/23/05
200.52

200.51 - Online Customer Service

2008-01-23T16:15:00.000-08:00

To Our Valued Customers:

Due to the increase of Complaints concerning our response time to answering your various "service questions", we have moved our Customer Service Department to an unknown Off-Shore location.

However, the Good News is that we upgraded our Software and we are now able to DOWNLOAD an Automatic Response to your inquiry.

In the event that you did not get a satisfactory reply... please be patient, since your complaint might have been a rather "Large" issue to download.

After a Day or Two of faulty attempts, you may want to upgrade your Computer to become more compatible with our new Software.

As for now, Our entire Customer Service Dept staff have gone "fishing". You may still call: 1-800-BAITMAN, but nobody is there.

ORDERING INFORMATION:
Submit order on-line with secure credit card process now.
Toll Free Phone Orders: 1-800-BAITMAN

Mail Order: Ethernet-Fish@Charter.net

Baitman Enterprises
Global Underwater Headquarters
Any Port Authority. USA

Business Hours:
Mon.-Thur.2:30am to 5:00am EST.
Friday: By Appointment.

Sincerely,

Baitman Enterprises

Promotion Note:

With any Purchase of our "36" Worm, you will receive a FREE Customer Complaint CD software.

Baitman Enterprises
10/9/06
200.51

200.50 - Fish 'N Chips Playing Cards

2008-01-21T19:19:00.000-08:00

"Fish and Chips" Gift Set

Product ID: Baitman # 61006

Description: This tin-boxed set includes a deck of Go - Fish, Cards.

100 Poker Chips .and Poker Dice

in a solid platform for organized play in a handsome presentation.

This Gift set includes a booklet of "Best Tips & Hints" for Winning at "Go-Fish" and incorporates the Tips of the Best Poker Players of 2006.
Price: $30.00.

This Poker Set is especially designed for your next Fishing Trip. All Playing cards are Waterproof, and all the Chips are Floatable. Now you can make money while Fishing no matter what the weather conditions may be.

Baitman Disclosure:

The use of this product does not endorse gambling by the Baitman. The Baitman always cautions Fishermen not to get into water Over Their Head.

In case of any problems, you may buy extra CHIPS from the Baitman and they will be sent to you plain brown bait carton.

Baitman Enterprises
6/10/06
200.50

200.49 - Baitman Family Album

2008-01-20T22:48:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN FAMILY PHOTO ALBUM

I was looking through the old pictures that GRANDPA BAITMAN had in an old Tackle Box and found these to share:

Gramp's First Big Fishing Boat was the SS Killoran, but the Germans Sunk it during World War II. History claims that he was caught smuggling "Worms" across the Atlantic. The boat may have survived, but was overloaded with Atlantic Salmon which was to be sold to France for Caviar.

After the War, he gathered some fellow fishermen and they tried to set themselves back up in business. Only this time, the funds were short, and so was the boat.

After many years of Hard Work, and not yet having the modern technology of Ether-Net and Bait Development, they finally were able to open their first Bait Shoppe.

Soon, everyone wanted to know what Bait could produce such marvelous Fishing Trips. But, Gramps kept that a Secret only to be passed down to me (The Baitman) in the family.

One of the last photos of Grandpa Baitman shows Gramps in his original Baitman Office. All his Secret Stuff has been carefully preserved by the BAITMAN.

Grandpa would be proud to know that Baitman Enterprises has grown to produce the first "36" Worm, and now controls the US, Canadian, and European Crawler Markets. New Technology has produced a total Global control of the Fishing World.

Baitman Enterprises
4/18/06
200.49

200.48 - Golden Minnow Award

2008-01-20T16:51:00.000-08:00

Baitman Receives "Golden Minnow" Award

The BAITMAN wishes to Thank all his "Guppy" Friends and Customers who offered their moral support in all the River Rat Casino Tournaments, to make this Award possible.

Awarded for Serious Poker search of "Suckers" and Skillful Navigation of "River Cards". The BAITMAN indeed knows how to handle a "Full Boat".

Thank you for playing in our "Suckers" Tournament.

We Suggest that you Invest your Re-Bait into purchasing Baitman Products rather than Poker. Call us: 1-800-BAITMAN.

Baitman Enterprises
11/13/06
200.48

200.47 - Baitman Delivers Pizza

2008-01-19T22:57:00.000-08:00

Press Release:

Baitman Enterprises is proud to announce that the renowned

Grill Rock Pizza & Brewery

has partnered with the Baitman to provide PIZZA DELIVERY to our customers in addition to our regular WORM and BREW Distribution.

Their entire staff is now On-Board the Baitman Cruise Fleets to deliver PIZZA to all of our Hungry Fisherman customers. Just a Phone call away......

The menu is specialized to cater to our Fishing cravings. Try out the Tuna nuggets, the Salmon Bits. Crusts are flavored to Tuna, Salmon, Perch, and many others. Don't forget to add the "Seaweed Salad" for only $1.00.

With your delivery, you may also order any of our other fine Baitman products like Worms, Minnows, Crickets, and Baitman Tequila (which includes a free worm). We suggest that you may want to HOLD the Anchovies due to environmental reasons that are beyond our control.

WE DELIVER WHEREVER YOU ARE.... Order Now: 1-800-BAITMAN

Baitman Enterprises
6/30/06
200.47

200.46 - Bad Ass Bass

2008-01-19T22:20:00.000-08:00

Baitman Video Productions

Presents: Billy The Bad Ass Bass

Click Button each time for the next song

http://www.cobaltflash.com/displaycontent.php?name=Singing_Fish

Here's another Version:

http://www.fugly.com/videos/2018/singingFish.html

Baitman Enterprises
11/13/06
200.46

200.45 - Baitman Worm Collection

2008-01-19T21:42:00.000-08:00

The Wonderful World of Worms

Baitman Enterprises
1/20/08
200.45

200.44 - Baitman Annual Picnic

2008-01-18T23:44:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN HOOK 'N COOK PICNIC

Baitman invites all his loyal customers to our Second Annual Company Picnic to kick off the New Fishing Season.

This year's picnic will be catered by DOUG'S SEAFOOD. We have also have well stocked the Baitman Tequila for our "older" customers.

FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY..... For the kids, we have scheduled Worm Races in the afternoon - and all get to ride the Worm Roller Coaster. In the evening all are invited to the "Fish Story" campfire for the Worm Roast.

Mark your Calendar Now... All attending will also receive a Free Bait Goodie Bag.

Easy Directions from anywhere:
Take any North River Road and follow till it meets Rabbit Junction. Here you will turn left for about 50 Hops, then Right on River Rat Trail. Follow signs to the "Baitman Picnic".

Baitman Enterprises
2/10/06
200.44

200.43 - Baitman Tequila

2008-01-18T22:58:00.000-08:00

MEXICAN CRAWLER MARKET OPENS

Baitman is proud to announce to its shareholders that we will be now be heading South of the Border and will be opening the Mexican Market.
As you know we have controlled the European and Canadian Crawler markets for years. It has been unfortunate that some countries have been denied access to our fine line of Baitman Products, due to Bandito, Confiscation, and Drug Lords.

Now we have developed a way to get our product into the Mexican Market and we, of course, expect a FULL MARKET SHARE. To this end we are Introducing the First "BAITMAN TEQUILA".........

Every bottle includes a FULL

"36" Baitman Worm and is well preserved in alcohol for extra enjoyment.

We invested extra by using our Deluxe Worm and it may be an over-kill, but

we expect Sales to at least Double because the Worm will have to be shared by more than one drunkards, thus increasing Sales $$$$$.

And, BAITMAN will be the first to use Real Live Worms in the Bottle!!! Pop Open a fresh BAITMAN TEQUILA and download the Tequila Commercial.

After viewing the Commercial, should you decide not to drink, don't forget that you can always enjoy the "36" WORM inside. Very Nutritious and rich in Omega 3 Fatty Acids for improved Vascular health.

Baitman Enterprises
1/16/06
200.43

200.42 - Save The Bunny Promotion

2008-01-18T22:34:00.000-08:00

HABITATS FOR RABBITS

Press Release - Spring 2002

The "Baitman" and the "Rabbit Clubber" are once again offering their Springtime Charity Event.

This year, in honor of the Easter Season,The Rabbit Clubber is declaring a limited time offer to "SAVE THE BUNNY".For one week only you may sign up and Adopt a Bunny.

Cost: $20 bucks a bunny, or Save 2 for $35 bucks.

You will receive:
+ bunny photo
+ bunny's personality description
+ greeting card from bunny
+ photo of bunny in new adopted home.

If you care not to adopt at this time, but would like to show your support....Send $15.00 and your favorite Rabbit Photo....and we will post it in the Bait Shop. Un used Bunny Donations are forwarded to the Crawler Relief Foundation.

Call the Hop Line Today.... 1-800-BAITMAN

Baitman Enterprises
4/11/02
200.42

200.41 - California Bans Worm Pulling

2008-01-17T23:52:00.000-08:00

Associated Press 10/1/2004

Sacramento (AP) - California became the first state Thursday to ban Hand Worm Pulling, saying the work is too backbreaking.

Workers now have to stoop to pull worms, but instead now will be given long-handled tools to allow them to work without bending over. The law takes effect in two weeks.

The regulation aims to prevent the "real and substantial risk" of back injury caused by stooping to pull worms from the rich soil beds of Southern California. However, Cal-OSHA has no records of any past serious injuries or worker complaints.

BAITMAN ENTERPRISES is one of California's Top Worm Pulling industries supporting over one million jobs and generating $28 billion dollars to the state's economy. There is no record of injuries to support a new law.

"The same kind of worms we have here are grown in other nations and other states. The worms are not unique to California, said BAITMAN, of the Growers Association, representing Fishermen. Yet,he said, "We're going to be the only place on earth that has a regulation that outlaws Pulling Worms by hand.

Baitman Needs your help to keep the Price of Worms at a FAIR MARKET VALUE for Fishermen. Real Worms are pulled by Real people - No tools required to increase the cost. Don't be a "Girlie-Worm" - Write to Gov. Schwarzenegger TODAY. Call: 916-445-2841.

Baitman Enterprise
9/25/04
200.41

200.40 - Discussion Board - Worm Pulling

2008-01-17T23:18:00.000-08:00

WORM PULLING FEEDBACK COMMENTS

†his ban is a silly rule by: lisannebeth	09/25/04 04:00 pm Msg: 561 of 566
My mother pulls worms by hand. not going to kill her unlike weed poison which can cause various health problems if inhaled. I think the ban should be repealed and these silly lawmakers should get their head reexamined.

Re: If You've Ever Pulled Worms For A Living
rader (39/M/Lewisville, Texas)

09/25/04 03:59 pm
Msg: 559 of 566

It's hard work, everybody knows that. That's why it's such a highly motivating job. It motivates people to get an education, start a business, and get out of that field!

Re: If You've Ever Pulled Worms For A Living
nymousguy826 (M/East Coast, USA)

09/24/04 11:22 am
Msg: 547 of 566

My first job was worming golf course greens with a knife

one of the most enjoyable jobs I've ever had. Because the pay was crap (I was 12, so that didn't matter)I wouldn't recommend it for a living, but I didn' t view it as backbreaking or cruel.

LOL California is SO STUPID!
by: wendy61670

09/24/04 10:43 am
Msg: 540 of 566
2 recommendations

I guess our ancestors got their food the easy way eh? Too back breaking? What are they even talking about. My Dad is a farmer and we used to crawl on our hands and knees to worm a field. the worse for it? No!!!!

Typical California government.....
by: knight_intarnishedarmor

09/24/04 08:23 am
Msg: 533 of 566
1 recommendation

This is just another example of governmental controls placed in a state that has more crazy laws than all the states in the union. I can see it now..."Oh OSHA....pay me money for the rest of my life so I don't have to work. Farmer Jones made me worm that garden for

hrs without that $300.00 OSHA approved garden hoe!"

Give me a break!

Popping worms is EASY
by: roo_two

09/24/04 10:11 am
Msg: 537 of 566

This is a joke. Are they going to outlaw berry-picking next? This is a perfect example of liberal lunacy increasing the cost of living for everyone because of their stupidity.

BAITMAN

Ethernet-fish@charter.net

09/24/04 10:51 am
Msg: 542 of 566

"The same kind of worms we have here are grown in other nations, other states. The worms aren't unique to California," said BAITMAN of the Western Growers Association, which represents Global Worm Farms , "we're going to be the only place on the face of the Earth that has a regulation or law that outlaws hand worming.

Say hello to more imported Worms say good-bye to more American jobs.

It will cost more to buy the worm pulling tools . It wil l take longer to get

l the same number of worms in. This adds up to higher prices for The Baitman . And American Fishermen will respond by buyng more

imported products.

wait, what am I thinking! The American growers will just cut their payroll to pay for the tools, and they'll force the remaining workers to WORK THAT MUCH HARDER to compensate for the fewer workers AND the loss in productivity. WORK HARDER, OR GET FIRED!

Been there, done that. This is America! What a Country!!!!!

Baitman Enterprises
9/25/04
200.40

200.39 - Baitman Advertising Program

2008-01-16T22:45:00.000-08:00

Baitman Advertising Clients

As you already know, the BAITMAN has also been in the "Crawler" Business for many years now.

Our marketing staff has already taken total control of the Canadian and European Markets. We use aggressive sinage and POS systems. You probably have seen our advertising at work.

All of our "Crawler Products" are waterproof and will work 24/7 - even in the Dark without supervision. We call them our "Night Crawler" line.

If you are interested in getting into the "Crawler Market" let us know. We can not reveal our ethernet secrets, but will assist you in the Advertising Program.

Baitman Enterprises
9/9/07
200.39

200.38 - Baitman Man O' War

2008-01-16T22:27:00.000-08:00

Hello Baitman Customers:

It has been brought to the attention of the Baitman that man of you have been recently been playing the popular World of Warcraft Internet Game.

It is hoped that you understand that your quests (fishing trips) are leading you into Un-Charted waters way over your head!!!!!!!

Baitman Enterprises always supports good "Sportsmanship", and so in recognition of your achievements is awarding you a new complete "WAR ROOM" equipment that you may use for your new Quests.

Please be advised that the Under-water world is ruled by the Baitman's 36" Worm. Game codes are sealed in a Baitman Tackle Box and are not to be revealed until the Price is Right.

Good Luck on your Fishing Quests above water..... We can get along if you keep out of the Uncharted Waters. Best Wishes.....

Baitman Enterprises
6/29/06
200.38

200.37 - Baitman Recipe Book

2008-01-16T21:30:00.000-08:00

Baitman Recipes That You Can Make At Home

WORM BBQ

Pizza crust
250 ml pizza sauce
1 green pepper
250 ml pepperoni sliced
500 ml mozzarella cheese, grated
vegetable oil
10 ml butter
worms

WORM TACOS

Filling
2 tbsp olive oil
2 cloves garlic,minced
1 small onion,finely chopped
2 cups worms,chopped
1 tsp chili powder
salt and pepper to taste

CHOCOLATE CREAMED WORMS

10 - ounce package of frozen worms
1 cup of heavy cream
2 tablespoons of confectioners’ sugar
3/4 cup of chocolate bits
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Baitman Enterprises
6/12/06
200.37

200.36 - July 4th - 2006

2008-01-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

From Sea to Shining Sea......

Mark Your Calendars Today for the Annual Baitman Picnic

Baitman Enterprises
7/4/2006
200.36

200.35 - Baitman Request Rabbit Fish

2008-01-16T20:58:00.000-08:00

DEAR BAITMAN CUSTOMER:

Our Research & Development Department is seeking a genuine RABBIT FISH for our Fin & Fur Division. We could not get one on E-Bay, but you might have one right in your own Fishing Hole.

If you can catch one for us and send it in, we will gladly recompense you with a tidy sum of Worms and probably even throw in some other free gift.

The "Rabbit Fish" gets its name from the Chewing Motion it uses to eat Bait, which is similiar to a Rabbit. The general size of the Rabbit Fish is not known for sure, but are reported to be kept in Aquariums. Reports do not indicate whether this is a Home aquarium or the SEA WORLD aquarium.

We suspect that we are dealing with a Pan-Sized critter and thus, The Baitman's "36" worm should be more than adequate to capture. If you encounter a larger one, just add some more Worm Inches.

Research & Development Department

Baitman Enterprises
12/8/05
200.35

200.34 - Baitman Worm Library

2008-01-16T19:48:00.001-08:00

200.33 - River Rat Casino

2008-01-15T19:57:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN OPENS NEW RIVER RAT CASINO

Imagine Winning enough money in just one nite to go Fishing ALL YEAR.

Check out the Casino and win Worms and Minnows in a matter of Minutes.

Use your Fish Internet Debit Card and make the First Deposit Today. Your deposits will help "Save The Worm" programs, support "Rabbits for Habitats". and foster the preservation of Fin & Fur products.

Like Government Casinos, all of our proceeds support the "Schools" of Fish. If you have a Gambling Problem of any kind, we suggest that you call our HOTLINE immediately. Our Skilled Bait Counselors are standing by 24/7 to help you get over it. No sense in missing out from the "Big One", just because of some little bad storm.

Enjoy The Games.......

Baitman Enterprises
2/10/06
200.33

200.32 - Baitman's Mail Box (E)

2008-01-15T19:36:00.000-08:00

Sore Losers Grumble about River Rat Casino

This is an Automated Response..... Baitman regrets the numerous complaints that it has received concerning the access to our many fine products by using the "Fish Ether-Net Debit Card" ++++

some complaints Listed:

I entered the credit card number that you sent me so that I could win free money, but the credit card number didn't work... what's up with that?? I then called the 800 Baitman phone number listed in your email and no one answered. I'm beginning to think this is a scam and I want all the money that I would have won last night, if your free credit card would have worked, to be sent to me certified mail using a money order or certified check. The amount I would have won was $544,988,994.02

.....yes sir .... mr baitman.......forget the casino, i would like to order 12 of the baitman monopoly games. thank you

.....please send 1 free bottle of baitman tequila with every monoply game purchase. thank you.

The Baitman takes all complaints seriously, and depending on the number of complaints, will respond as soon as we get around to it. While you are waiting for our response, please accept our 2006 Baitman Tee-Shirt. In the event that your concern is not resolved, you will also get the 2007 Tee Shirt next year.

Baitman Credit Department

Baitman Enterprises
2/12/06
200.32

200.31 - Baitman WWW.Underwater InterNET

2008-01-15T17:50:00.000-08:00

Baitman Enterprises now offers Earthworm EtherNet

Wireless Underwater Internet Services

Douglas C. Killoran, Jr.

HTML Web Designer

Ethernet-fish@charter.net

Website: “On The Dock” with the Baitman

http:// Ethernet Baitman.blogspot.com

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Baitman Enterprises
1/10/05
200.31

200.30 - Weapons Of Bass Destruction

2008-01-14T22:57:00.000-08:00

Weapons of Bass Destruction Discovered By Baitman

It has been reported that an unidentified fisherman has discovered a “Dead Zone” in the Atlantic off the shores of Myrtle Beach, SC.

The fisherman had just purchased the Baitman “36” inch worm from Baitman Products and was exploring the local shorelines. Not receiving a single “bite”, he duly registered a complaint with the local waterway authorities.

“Dead Zones” are small underwater pockets that have become devoid of all aquatic life.

These “Dead Zones” have been increasingly reported by fishermen who have discovered that there is no hope ever of catching a fish in these maliciously destroyed waters.

Since these registered complaints involve coastal waters and are now under the jurisdiction of Homeland Security and are duly investigated.

This authority emerged from the “FAIR BAIT ACT” enacted in congress from the Baitman’s Million Stick March on Washington last year.

The Baitman is an authorized Homeland Security Provider and is responsible for underwater protection.

The government assigns all suspicious terroristic incidents to the Baitman for investigation and report.

The Baitman uses the only government approved “Fishing Cam” to get to the “Bottom” of things in a hurry.

The Baitman Fishing Cam investigation confirms the presence of a “Dead Zone” off the shores of Myrtle Beach.

The area explored was loaded with broken hooks, tangled lines, anemic worms and minnows, and a ton of old rusty “Great Bait” containers.

For the moment, Baitman is posting a LOW Security Alert. However, these incidents have peaked since competitors have entered the market. The stuff is JUNK…and the Fish know it and won’t touch it….thus creating another “Dead Zone”.

Baitman advises: Never give out your Zip Code when ordering Non-Baitman products.

Baitman Enterprises
6/16/05
200.30

200.29 - Baitman Store

2008-01-14T21:47:00.000-08:00

CHECK OUT THE BAITMAN STORE

200.28 - Baitman Newsletters

2008-01-14T20:59:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN NEWSLETTERS

Your Online Source for all the latest News from the Baitman.

Subscribe Today.

In This Issue, read about the New Baitman Cruises and the Sleek new SS. Baitman.

Baitman delivers the latest "State of The Bait" address. The Spring Break Bunny Photo Promotion was a huge success. Baitman Bobbers are now available in the Baitman Store. Baitman plans "Million Stick" march on Washington...and more.

The Baitman News is the sole Trade Publication for Baitologists. It is published when useless news breaks and as whenever the staff gets around to it. SUBSCRIBE TODAY.....

Baitman Enterprises
6/16/04
200.28

200.27 - Baitman Fishing Cruises

2008-01-14T19:51:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN FISHING CRUISES – 2005

Don’t Miss the Boat…..No Summer is complete without a Baitman Sponsored Fishing Cruise.

As reported in the “Bait N’ Times” Magazine….

“The Baitman Boat-Load cruises are an awesome experience. All Boats leave port for a full Three Days (3 days on the Boat, 2 nites in the water). If you like Babes, Bass, Bait, or Beer…you will love the Baitman Boat”.

The Baitman has now added a new sleek 2004 model to the fleet. The SS. Baitman now replaces the untimely demise of the flagship SS. Killoran, having been purported “sunk” by the competitor Great Baits and blamed on the Germans. The SS Killoran is now preserved in safe harbor off the Atlantic Emerald Isles.

Two fine Cruises are being offered: The “Fish N’ Chicks” cruise is the most popular and also the economy offering. The Deluxe Cruise is the “Fins N’ Fairways” cruise which offers the same amenities, but we charge more anyway.

The New SS Baitman….features: Four Stories underwater and includes a full VEGAS CASINO. For your entertainment, we feature our “DEEP SIX” Go-Go Lounge. There is also an onboard BAIT SHOP and a fully stocked INDOOR FISHING POND. The BAITMAN BAR features beers from around the world. Enjoy our own homemade BASS ALE. Our Cruise STAFF.. (See Photo) are Top Models hired from Sports Illustrated.

The Upper Deck of the Boat offers a full 9 hole Golf Course & Driving Range. Be considerate…please do not slice balls into the water and disturb the Fish…also, others are fishing from the lower decks.

For your Dining pleasure, there is the BAITMAN BUFFET.. The menu features hote ‘d rabbit, bass ala carte’,and a caviar cuisine. The menu will vary as available, but there will always be BEER and CHIPS.

At the end of the day, it suggested that all relax in the BAITMAN THEATRE to view the FISH CAM and see the ones that got away while you were on vacation.This is important Bonding time for our loyal customers…however NO TALKING is allowed in the Theatre.

Baitman Enterprises
6/16/05
200.27

200.26 - Baitman Home Breeder Franchise

2008-01-14T18:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Loyal Baitman Consumer:

You have been selected from our "Sucker" list and this offer is presented to you to get you interested in your own "Home Worm Business". Why Rent worms, when you can Own your own.

For a limited time only, BAITMAN enterprises is offering a restricted amount of Worm Distribution Licenses. We supply the Breeder/Stud "36" Worm and all the information that you need to set up your own business.

This is a test market to determine how many "suckers" will be selected

for our new BAITMAN FRANCHISE opportunities.

Now is the time to cut Bait and GO FISH.... We have expanded the European and Canadian Crawler markets. but there is so much potential yet to be explored. There are soon opening new Crawler Markets in IRAQ (when the war ends). Korean Markets are wide open and the Worms are a Delicacy. INDIA only has protection of the cow...so worms may soon rule....

Worm Growers Needed Now!!
Let us show you how to raise worms for unlimited income potential!
Worm Breeder Starter Kit One Stud Worm - Baitman's "36" inch Tererestes
Secret Bedding Materials
One "Hook N' Cook" Recipe Book
Limited Licensing Certificate
Online Support

To become a Worm Breed-holder, you will be required to submit a license agreement with BAITMAN Enterprises, and as usual ALL Rights are Reserved.If any provision or provisions of this Agreement shall be held to be invalid, illegal, unenforceable or in conflict with the law of any jurisdiction, the validity, legality and enforceability of the remaining provisions shall not in any way be affected or impaired thereby null. void, maybe useless, without permission and explicit authorization of the BAITMAN, 2005

Baitman Enterprises
11/6/05
200.26

200.25 - Baitman Busted On Worm Container Tax

2008-01-14T17:44:00.000-08:00

Customers Fail to Pay Core Taxes

The Department of HOMELAND SECURITY has detected that you have "ATTEMPTED" to purchase Bait and Worms from the BAITMAN utilizing the Front Alias of the Trojan Busters Website.

Your order for Worms was viewed and documented in the Guest Book.

Should you actually receive your order, You will be considered in "POSSESSION"...and that could be a heap of trouble for YOU......You are dealing with an OFF Shore Organization which has been distributing Worms, Minnows, and Crickets around the World and has never paid the "Container" Deposits.

The Geneva Convention laws of 1947 clearly indicates that you must be charged .46 cents per container of all Inter Coastal Worm/Fish/Rabbit products received. Unfortunately, The Baitman scammed the sales as "Free Delivery", but unfortunately, for you, you will need to surrender All of the Containers in Possession or be accessed a Tax at Current Taxation Rates.

The Current Rate: $56.52 US = $63.40 Euro..... Please report to our New York Office and bring all Empty Containers with you to validate a Credit. Any that you lost on the Dock will be on you. Sorry.

Our Records indicate that you have ordered Worms from the BAITMAN for many years and you even got some of the "Special Delivery" features. The "Container Deposits" and "Nose Cone Core Deposits" must be accouted for at this time.

If you desire any type of Amensty, we suggest you get a lawyer or Contact your Baitman Supplier.

Baitman Enterprises
1/4/05
200.25

200.24 - Baitman Fish Puzzles

2008-01-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

What's the Fish Worth?
In the land of Titenium, three fish can be traded for two loaves of bread, and a loaf of bread can be traded for four bags of rice. How many bags of rice is one fish worth?
2 2/3 bags of rice. One loaf of bread can be traded for four bags of rice, so two loaves can be traded for eight bags of rice. Three fish can be traded for eight bags of rice, so one fish is worth 8 ÷ 3 bags of rice

Here's a Fishy Probability...
A fishbowl contains guppies, neon tetras, and gold fish. When Mr. Girvan reaches in to the bowl, he always touches one of the fish. If the probability of his touching a guppy is 1/4 and the probability of toching a tetra is 2/5, what is the probability of touching a goldfish? (2pts) What percent of the fish are guppies? (1pt) What percnt of the fish are neon tetras? (1pt)
wer: The probability of touching a goldfish is 7/20. (1-(1/4 +2/5) = 1 - (113/20) = 7/20. Percent of guppies is 25%. The percent of tetras is 40%.

The BAITMAN presents for your your entertainment.....

It is good for our Fishermen to have a Sharp Mind -

"Sharp as a Hook"
Baitman Enterprises
9/20/04
200.24

200.23 - Baitman's Mail Box (D)

2008-01-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

Customer Screws Up Baitman Chain Letter

Mr. Worm Man. I filled out the Worm chain letter but when I clicked the button to join the pyramid NOTHING HAPPENED!! WHAT SHOULD I DO???????? I'VE GOT TO GET ON THIS PYRAMID!!! I DESPERATELY NEED MY ONE MILLION WORMS!!!!!!! HEEEEEELP!!!! CONSUMER JOE (10/4/04).

To: Wishing On A Worm:

The Baitman remains perplexed that YOU already BROKE the Chain. You were selected for your unique computer skills, thus any pushing of wrong buttons, or failure to follow instructions, is not excusable.

The Baitman suspects that perhaps you became too GREEDY for the Million Worms, and in your haste to shortcut yourself to the Top Of The Pyramid, you BROKE the chain for Hilbert and Dougie who take these worm matters seriously. I wouldn't want to be in your Compost Pile when they hear about that news......!!!!

The Baitman suggests that your only relief will be to Team Up with Berni who is the known Chain Letter Expert. Perhaps you may be able to Split the Worms with her. As a consolation we can only offer you one of our Bumper Stickers for your participation.

Baitman Enterprises
10/4/04
200.23

200.22 - Baitman's Mail Box (C)

2008-01-14T12:07:00.000-08:00

Customer receives Baitman Coin Re-Bait

OOOOOOoooo...... I'll take a thousand coins! Here's my credit card number 553-2208-4875-2248 - Thank you for the Re-Bait. I bought all my Worms and Coins in US Dollars. Why am I being paid back in Funny Money? (Consumer JOE - (12/10/01).

BAITMAN appreciates your order for our Limited Edition Fish Coins. Per your instructions, we have TOTALLY MAXed the above Credit Card. Your bountiful Credit Rating entitles you to an instant Cash REBAIT...enclosed.

Thank You for your Investment in Baitman Fish Coins. Our Numismatic experts predict that there will not be much value in the Dolphin (Heads) side of the coin, but the Mermaid (Tails) side of the coin is predicted to be highly profitable.

As you know, The Bait Shop is naturally an OFF-Shore operation. We set up the corporation in this manner so as to be able to avoid having to pass on the "Luxury" taxes to fishermen who purchase Genuine Baitman products.

Some of our products, however, are imported from the soil-enriched European Crawler Market. We have saved you additional "Import" taxes. Our records indicate that you have also purchased "Dried-Out" worms (Saudi Arabian Desert Worms), and "Freeze-Dried" worms (Ukraine/Hungarian Worms). Thus your RE-BAIT was processed from our Overseas Global Office.

Effective 1/1/2002 - You may convert your Re-Baits to EUROS. At the moment, the Baitman can not accept Euros, but we do take Visa, Master Card, and Kugerands.

Baitman Enterprises
1/1/02
200.22

200.21 - Baitman's Mail Box (B)

2008-01-14T11:17:00.000-08:00

Better Baits Spams Fishing Community
Hello Fellow Sportsmen: As you may have already heard in the Bait N Times daily. The Great Bait Corporation and the Better Bait and Bunnies Crowd have now joined together in order to offer the best Bait and Bunny products. With joined resources we will be able to offer the best trips and bait prices.

Sadly while our merger has been successful, it seems that other companies have decided to play the merger game. The "Baitman" and his other subsidary "Master Baiter" seem to be trying to merge in order to falsely identify themselves as one of the Fortune Two Bait companies.

Recently a customer traveling North on US23 near M59 spotted a Baitman truck placing one of Master Baiters signs. As investigated by the Better Bait Bureau, this is an attempt to control the Genessee Crawler Market. These signs are commonplace north of Hartland, Michigan and always at the expense of other Bait customers. As always don't be baited in by the likes of the Genessee Baitman. (Better Baits, Inc - (5/8/02).

WARNING..WARNING..WARNING.. Don't be Baited By a BAD BAITMAN
The Baitman only wants to Bait you out of your money!!!!! (1/29/02)
Note: This has been a service of the former GREAT BAIT company now working under the name BETTER BAIT

+++++++++++++++++++++

Thank you sir for bringing down the Baitman. He has been scamming people for years selling dead nightcrawlers, broken bobbers, and false advertisements. I once purchased a Rabbit Club from him and received only a stick.
I have several websites available for sale if you are interested......... wormsfor you.com, bigdougiewormfarm.com, livebait.com, stillhoppin.com, nightcrawlers4you.com.
(K-77 - 1/28/02).
+++++++++++++++++

WHATS UP ?? ......IS BETTER BAIT CLOSED DOWN .??.....do you think your
customers should buy the bait cam....??............ (K-77 - 3/22/04).

Baitman Response:

Yes Sir.... You may now order all of your Bait supplies from the Baitman. The Spammer has met his demise. There is no more Good, Better, or Great Baits around to interfere with your valuable Fishing Time.

Baitman Enterprises
1/29/02
200.21

200.20 - Baitman's Mailbox (A)

2008-01-14T00:03:00.000-08:00

Better Baits, Inc complains about Baitman's New "36" inch Worm

Read All Read All Just released in the Bait-N-Times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Bait Man leagally known subsidiary of a well known and seems not to be trusted "Master Baiter". Stocks down for the Bait Man as leagal filings by the Beter Bait CPY accuses Bait Man of copyright infringements for the about to be released bait cam.
It seems the Bait Man is a well established computer hacker that may spend most days and nights in front or a computer. Evidence will show how the baitman used a virus to hack Better Baits system and discover are new bait cam just before it was to be released.
More evidence will reveal how the Bait Man used a WORM VIRUS to hack the Better Baits CPY computer.See Front page pic below as the Head lines read "BAIT MAN SQUIRMS LIKE A WORM" after being discovered.
As for the three foot worm from Nantucket. Better Bait sais FUCKET and will retaliate with a fourty inch worm. (Better Baits, Inc - 3/22/04).

Baitman Response:
It was later discovered that Better Baits, Inc.uttered and published the "illegal leak" to the NYSE thus causing a temporary drop in Baitman Stocks. This was simply a cover up for the pending investigation being conducted against Better Baits which was found to be engaged in illegal "Worm Strip-Mining".
The final demise of Better Baits was caused by Baitman's partnering with the Austrailians to develop the "Super-Terrestris Worm" - A FULL "36" inches.
Better Baits is now just another "Dot-Com" washed away with the tide.

Baitman Enterprises
3/22/04
200.20

200.19 - Baitman Beer Alert

2008-01-13T23:17:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN BEER

A Critical Warning is being issued to the BAITMAN shareholders. Our Underwater Division has discovered that the Fish have schooled together their resources and are claiming that the Introduction of Our Fishing Cam is an Invasion of their Privacy.

This Emergency Response Item can be ordered with your regular Worm/Crawler Order. Baitman suggests that you Download at least one Six- Pak on each fishing trip. This will protect you from the temptations from the Fish Community who are attempting to BAIT you with "Free Beer"......

Disclaimer Note:

Baitman Service Paks will be shipped l/2 full. This provides safety in compliance safe navigation rules and also provides flotation and loss prevention in case of user stupidity. Certified Baitman Customers may order BAITMAN BEER in 55gal Drums. The drums can be recycled into Live Wells or perhaps even a Pontoon. Schematic Plans available from BAITMAN PRODUCTS.

Baitman Enterprises
3/30/04
200.19

200.18 - Baitman World

2008-01-13T22:30:00.000-08:00

Always Something Happening in the Baitman World..

Baitman Enterprises
4/14/04
200.18

200.17 - Detroit Thanksgiving Day Parade

2008-01-13T21:50:00.000-08:00

PRESS RELEASE:

This morning, the BAITMAN, has confirmed that he has entered his Giant "Wiggle Worm" Balloon into the DETROIT Thanksgiving Parade this year at the last minute.

As reported in the New York Times, it was to scheduled for the Macy Thanksgiving Parade, but Baitman claims that the Detroit River affords more access to the Canadian Crawler Market than New York. It seems that shipping across Niagra Falls has been cost prohibitive at this time.

Giant Helium Balloonhead Cast

It is uncertain at press time whether the "Wiggle Worm" will Lead the Parade or Tail the Parade. Baitman claims that if the Balloon was scaled to "worm inches", and inflated accordingly, it would stretch from Cobo Hall to 8 Mile Road.

Extra security is in place by the Detroit Police Department this year. Anyone coming to the parade with "hooks" or "lures" will be arrested on the spot.

WIGGLE WORM.........WELCOME TO DETROIT........

Baitman Enterprises
11/23/05
200.17

200.16 - Baitman Bobbers

2008-01-13T18:57:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN BOBBERS an exclusive product of Baitman Enterprises for your fishing pleasure. Serving Golfers and Fisherman alike.

PRODUCT FEATURES:

From the Off-Shore, Underwater Laboratories of Baitman Enterprises emerges a new scientifically tested product, using State of The Bait Technology. The “Baitman Bobber” is an invaluable addition to every Golf Bag or Tackle Box.

For Golfers, The Bobber is particularly useful for hitting across Water Hazards. The magnet bobber tips will attract to your club and retrieve the ball to waters edge thus saving valuable strokes per round. Your Bobber may be ordered in a variety of Loft from 2-14 degrees. The Bobber serves as a ball that will never be lost in water, or your money back guaranteed,

For Fishermen, The Bobber is a natural compliment to other fine Baitman Products. Our Fish Cam can also be incorporated into the Bobber as an accessory to fully explore the fishing opportunities. The Bobber is guaranteed not to sink. Even with the use of our 36” worm, or your money back.

Warranty Agreement:

Baitman Bobbers may used in any Golf Course Pond or in International Waterways except where prohibited by local ordinance or Homeland Security Act provisions. Any Bobber that sinks due to overloading of unauthorized Baitman accessories will null and void this warranty. This product is NOT an approved US Coast Guard FLOTATION DEVICE.

200.15 - All American Bait Sale

2008-01-13T18:28:00.000-08:00

All American Bait Sale

The Baitman celebrates this 4^th of July Season by offering “Genuine American Worms”. Unlike our competitors, all Worms are Hand Picked within the contiguous 48 States. No Worm is “Picked Before It’s Time”.

Select only American Fed worms. All of our Crawlers enjoy good living conditions in a climate controlled environment of 55-70 degrees and are kept out of the rain. Baitman Crawlers adhere to a strict diet and are never fed chemicals or heavily spiced foods.

Place your order now…. The Fish Know an American Worm on sight.

Disclaimers:

Offer Valid only in the United States and excludes international Baitman current promotional offers. Some European Crawler markets accept under special license agreement. Direct orders from Fresh or Salt water FISH are not accepted. Baitman supplies Crawlers only to bone-fide USA fishermen holding valid Fishing Licenses. Fisherman agrees not to use Baitman Products within a 3 mile radius International Waters of any Nation not having diplomatic relations with the Baitman. All orders must be received by 12:00am July 4, 2002. Late orders will be returned to sender with a $10.00 processing fee.

Baitman Enterprises
7/4/02
200.15

200.14 - Baitman Bait Boat Program

2008-01-13T14:50:00.000-08:00

Press Release

Baitman Ministry of Public Safety

BAITMAN TO USE BAIT BOATS TO SINK THEFTS

Hartland (AP) – The Baitman announces a new Bait Boat Program as the latest tool to fight the theft of Fishing Boats to protect the Fishing Community.

Most recently, thieves have targeted Fishing Boats as a valuable source of income. Most boats are fully loaded with an ample supply of Bait and Beer which have become very attractive to thieves.

The Baitman Boat Program now offers a “Bait Security Package” to protect each and every Fishing Boat for a modest cost. The Boats are equipped with global positioning devices, sensors, and high-tech equipment. When a boat is stolen, the location is tracked and the police respond.

Stolen boats are sometimes used for drug smuggling and other criminal activities. Police claim that smaller boats are usually hard to recover since the only protection is Identification numbers which can be easily changed.

Since the commencement of the Baitman Boat Program, Law Enforcement reports a 60% reduction in Boat and Beer thefts.

Baitman states:

“The Bottom Line is this – If you steal a Bait Boat – YOU WILL BE CAUGHT !!!”

Baitman Enterprises
1/12/07
200.14

200.13 - Baitman Bumper Sticker

2008-01-12T21:39:00.000-08:00

Baitman 2004 Bumper Sticker.......

Seize the Day...(Carp the D'iem)..... Start your Fishin' with the BAITMAN and get out the VOTE for this Election Year.

A "Carp" in the Water is worth Two in the "Bush".....

Disclaimer:

I am the BAITMAN and I endorse this advertisement. No Fish were hurt in this politically correct message.

All Donations received are Tax-Exempt and Non-Refundable.

Baitman Enterprises
9/16/04
200.13

200.12 - Tonkin Cane Pole

2008-01-12T21:19:00.000-08:00

Baitman Services Presents.....

As a loyal Subcriber to "BAITMAN NEWS" we are always looking for items that may be of interest to our customers. Our Off-Shore Staff is pleased to discover and share the secret art of the original /classic BAMBOO Fishing Rod.

If you would like to make your own "Tonkin Cane" Fishing Rod....the following website will give you step-by-step instructions to make your own. Every Fisherman as a kid started with the old Chinese Bamboo Rod..... Now you can learn how they did it and how their entire diet is still FISH today (with a little rice).

Check it out for the Instructions"

http://www.thomaspenrose.com/tonkin.htm

These canes are not easily transported since they are generally 12 to 15 feet in lenght. By American standards, they are no longer user-friendly. However, these Tonkin Canes have been around for 2000 years and now that BAITMAN has introduced the "36" WORM, there is a renewal of interest. It seems that Tonkin Swamps have proliferated and the Rice Paddies are fading out.

As always..... it is the BAIT....that get the Fish....

BAITMAN HAS THE 'BAIT' ..... PLACE YOUR ORDERS NOW BEFORE IT ALL GOES "OFF-SHORE"......

Baitman Enterprises
4/7/04
200.12

200.11 - Baitman Fishing Lunker Cam

2008-01-12T20:35:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN PRESS RELEASE:

Our Overseas Korean Division - Headed by Do E. Mr. Kim - is now introducing to America an Underwater LUNKER CAM so that Fisherman may now actually view the activity on their Hook and Line. This product will soon be seen in your local Wal-Marts.

If Baitman Market shares are acceptable, we will utilize the same Technology in a WEB CAM "GOLF BALL".

Click on the below link to review the Fish Cam Video.

http://www.youtube.com/v/nMir9dVYXlA&rel=

Our "Off-Shore" market for our "Fishing Cams" has "Swamped" us with orders. We are litterally down to just "Parts"........ BAITMAN, never wanting to disappoint our loyal customers is now offering the "LUNKER CAM" on an interim basis. This is a "Do it Yourself Kit".... We sell you the parts and you put it together yourself.......

Locate fish, check your bait action, see what kinds of weeds or rocks make up the lake bottom contour. Find underwater treasures like anchors, lures, tackle, rods, reels, sunken boats, submerged trees, trolling or boat motors.

Lunkercam 3 underwater camera is NOT difficult to build. Required tools include screwdrivers, drill, soldering iron, saw, small pliers, cutters, Drill Press, Cat5 Cables, Satellite TV monitors, and Kodak Paper.

This is NOT a complete kit of parts. Instead, it is a 10 page, step by step instruction package with 33 illustrations and schematic showing how to make the necessary connections.

BAITMAN, of course, offers 24 hour Tech Support...... That is a full 24 hours of support for your new kit. After the first 24 hours you may apply for the "Extended Support" program. Warranty is limited to the first 24 hours from time of order. Please allow 72 hours for Overnight Delivery.

Baitman Enterprises
3/27/04
200.11

200.10 - Baitman Coins for Presidential Debate

2008-01-12T14:30:00.000-08:00

Coin-toss coin controversy clouds debates..........

Washington – A major row has erupted between the Bush and Kerry campaigns over what coin denomination to use in the coin toss to determine which candidate will field the first question in the second and third presidential debates.

Despite having reached a 32-page agreement on the so-called “Rules of Engagement” for the debates, both campaigns admitted having overlooked the crucial coin-toss-coin-denomination question. In what political insiders are now referring to as “Coingate,” both the Bush and Kerry camps are quickly trying to reach an agreement on the coin-toss matter.

The Kerry campaign yesterday released a statement announcing that its preference would be to use the John Kennedy dollar coin, which has not been minted for several years, as the deciding coin. “John Kennedy was a great American president,” Kerry Campaign Manager Mary Beth Cahill told reporters at a press conference during which the statement was read. “And John Kerry will also make as great an American president who, incidentally, is tough and consistent not a flip-flopper.”

There is no official word yet from the Bush campaign but a source close to the campaign has said that its preference is the American twenty-five-cent coin, commonly referred to as the “quarter,” which features the likeness of America’s first president, George Washington. Presidential Advisor, Richard Perle, a neo-conservative formerly with the Project for the New American Century, which made the case for regime change in Iraq a number of years before the invasion, has said “For the start of the new American century under President Bush, it is only appropriate that the coin used for the coin toss profiles another great George who became president.”

The controversy surrounding the coin toss started at the first debate when a one-cent coin, the “penny,” was used. Democrats immediately jumped on the choice of the penny as it features the likeness of the reknowned Republican president, Abraham Lincoln, over concerns that it could influence undecided voters to choose Republican candidate. In a heated verbal exchange between Democratic strategist, James Carville, and his wife, Republican strategist Mary Matilin, Carville told his wife,“That’s a really cheap shot, Mary, choosing a penny.” Matilin retorted with “Oh shut up, James, it was your turn today to pick up the kids, and where were you, huh?”

Senator Kerry’s running mate, Vice Presidential Candidate John Edwards, objected to the use of the one-cent coin for different reasons, declaring “Using a penny, you know, just cheapens the whole thing. Americans deserve more.” When questioned by reporters as to his own coin preference, Edwards said that he personally had no objection to using any coin with a value greater than five cents with the exclusion of the smallest American coin, the ten-cent “dime,” due to concerns that “It might blow away in the wind – along with the hopes and aspirations of Americas families as they struggle to get by day-to-day under the economic policies of this president.”

A government-appointed arbitrator is expected to be assigned to resolve this matter on Monday, whereupon representatives from both campaigns will be called for discussions. It is widely expected that the arbitrator will suggest using the BAITMAN COINS.

Baitman Enterprises is proud to Contribute it's Few Cents into this important political concern......Commemorative Coins may be Purchased from Baitman Enterprises.

Baitman Enterprises
10/10/04
200.10

200.09 - Baitman Goes To Washington

2008-01-12T10:58:00.000-08:00

Dateline: (AP) Hartland, Michigan

The Baitman has organized a “Million Stick March”

To Washington, DC to protest the rising cost of Taxes.

Sportsmen From around the Nation are hoping that

Fishermen, Golfers, and Rabbit Clubbers can Avert

A STRIKE with Club & Stick Manufacturers. Hope

Is diminishing as both sides “Stick” in there.

In an exclusive interview, The Press quotes the

Baitman as saying: “I feel your pain…Those of us

Who are use to carrying the Big Stick in America, can

No longer compete in the Global Market when better

Funded manufacturers from Taiwan and Scotland offer

‘cheaper sticks’ to their citizens. This is a political issue.

We have explored revenue sharing, but frankly, there

Isn’t much revenue left to share after taxes”.

Legislation will also be submitted to Congress to provide

Salary caps and quota limitations for suppliers. Baitman

Says “we need mediation to insure that no single entity

Gets all the Fish, Rabbits, or Golf Balls”.

The Baitman also proposes that all suppliers, such as

Nike, Strata, Wilson, or Daiwa, be required to ship all

Products to the Baitman for a “Fair Distribution”. The

Baitman has offered to offer discounts on all list prices

And offer some free merchandise on new orders.

An unidentified man on the street has told the Press:

“Something needs to be done Now…we need to form a

Club or something”. March with Baitman to Washington.

A spokesman from Sports Illustrated sates: “We applaud

The efforts of the Baitman…We support his “Stick” March.

Our Magazine relies on the stories of the Fishermen, Golfers,

And Rabbit Clubbers. If it weren’t for those articles we

Would only have the February Swimsuit issue”.

From Washington, President Bush, fearing a Million Sticks

In town, has warned against a STRIKE and has hinted at

Federal Intervention, if they can’t resolve the stuff on

Their own. Bush states: “Very simply, we already have a war

On terrorism…it simply would not look good for the

American image to have the Baitman here with all his

“Clubs & Sticks”. Can’t they just all get along?

Baitman was unavailable for comment at Press time.

Baitman Enterprises
8/31/02
200.09

200.08 - Smart ECM Bait Container

2008-01-11T21:49:00.000-08:00

NEW PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT

Baitman Enterprises has developed a smart RFID Closure for Worm Containers.

The Bait Monitor is a programmable RFID reminder and solution that tracks Worm Usage without active fisherman input. The BAIT TRACKER (TM) consists of a "smart" sensor which is embedded in the Worm Container cap.

The BAIT TRACKER e-cap is programmed to Alert the Fisherman when a new worm is needed. Monitors keep track of the condition of the worms in the container and automatically sends an order to the Baitman for refills.

This Product is available immediately and is a critical tool for fishermen who do not ordinarily read the warning labels on the Bait Container, and thus either overdose the fish with too many worms, or neglect the proper care and attention to the worm itself.

Baitman Enterprises is dedicated to advanced convergence in the fields of Baitology, Logistic Marketing, and Wireless E-Commerce.

Baitman Enterprises
3/17/05
200.08

200.07 - International Worm Race

2008-01-11T14:29:00.000-08:00

PRESS RELEASE

Baitman Enterprises has agreed to enter the Baitman "36" Worm into competition at next summer's International Worm Race held annually in Clear Lake, California.

Contestants from around the world enter their finest, best trained, and well disciplined Worms for valuable prizes and recognition.

Next year's event will again be covered by ESPN, Animal Planet, and Real People. The Baitman will Sponsor the Event and Host the Winning Wiggler.

This competition began in 1966 and many Fishermen are not aware that their Crawlers that they purchased from the Baitman could have been Prize Worms in the past.
The "race" track is a 4-foot-square board with a 2-foot target painted on it. Two to five worms — either night crawlers or reds — are placed on the bull's-eye, and the first to inch its way across the edge of the outer circle wins. The day's grand champion wins a $500 cash prize.

The ultimate worm-on-worm challenge takes place at Redbud Park in Clearlake (north of Napa Valley) immediately following the annual Lions Club Fourth of July Parade. Don't have your own red worm or night crawler to enter? No problem! You can rent fully trained worms from Baitman Enterprises just prior to race time.

This event draws 1000's of entrants each year. There is no doubt that the BAITMAN "36" WORM will Dominate the Playing Field. Past winners who inched their way past the finish line included such greats as Lightning, Harry, Fred, Heliatrophy, Master Gee, Slimey and who can forget Sam the five inch Lake County garden worm or Michaelangelo Maserati, descended from a long line of Italian Speedsters.

The Baitman will be offering Free Tickets for loyal customers who may want to attend this event and see History in the making. Keep purchasing Baitman Products and you will receive more details of our promotions.

The Annual Clear Lake International Work Race is scheduled for July 4,2007 at Austin Park in Clearlake. Call the Clear Lake Chamber of Commerce at 707-994-3600 for more information. Tickets Also available from 1-800-BAITMAN.

Baitman Enterprises
11/20/06
200.07

200.06 - Bits 'N Bait Fishing Bucket

2008-01-10T19:36:00.000-08:00

PRESS RELEASE:

Baitman Enterprises has developed and patented the BEST BAIT BUCKET on the market today. Another Fine Product brought to you by our Research & Development Department.

Bait bucket Document Type and Number: United States Patent 6237765

Our Patent Objectives: 62377650 ammended

to provide a bait bucket having a plurality of segregated compartments therein
to provide a bait bucket having an outer container and an inner container with a plurality of apertures circumferentially located providing fluid communication means between the two
to provide a bait bucket having an inner floating container having a plurality of segregated compartments therein

Order your BAIT BUCKET Today...... Only $39.95 delivered to your Dock.

When ordering, Use Worm Code # B-1010 and your Bucket will include a Six Pack of Milwaukee's Best and One Genuine Baitman 36" Worm. This offer makes your Bucket Value to be almost FREE.....

ORDERING INFORMATION:
Submit order on-line with secure credit card process now.
Toll Free Phone Orders: 1-800-BAITMAN

Mail Order: Ethernet-Fish@Charter.net

Baitman Enterprises
Global Underwater Headquarters
Any Port Authority. USA

Business Hours:
Mon.-Thur.2:30am to 5:00am EST.
Friday: By Appointment.

Baitman Enterprises
10/10/06
200.06

200.05 - Baitman Study Guide

2008-01-09T23:34:00.000-08:00

Baitman Study Guides

Baitman Guide # 82004

Eco-Epidermal Bait Protective
Systems - Fish Worm Research

Baitman Enterprises
2004
200.05

200.04 - FREE Worms TODAY

2008-01-08T21:38:00.001-08:00

FREE WORMS........TODAY !

The Baitman will NEVER be undersold. We meet all On-Line and Off-Line Competition.

Due to the Crash of the European Crawler Market....We feel the pain of our loyal customers. The Baitman would like to assure the Public that the Worms are still alive and are in our protective custody.

The Baitman will not gouge the public like those gas stations do. No, we will not raise prices just because there is a temporary Worm shortage.

TODAY.......ONLY TODAY.... FREE WORMS

E-mail your order immediately - No order Refused - Any Quantity Accepted.

Place your order now. All orders will be assembled and ready for pick-Up at the Bait Shop between the hours of 8:00 and 9:00 am. You can pick up your order at the Bait Shop - PO Box 394 - Hartland, Michigan 48353.

Baitman Enterprises
10/21/01
200.04

200.03 - US OPEN - The Baitman Challenge

2008-01-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

“US OPEN BAITMAN CHALLENGE”

Get a Par 2 on our 18^th Hole…and you Win

An “All You Can Eat” Fish Dinner….

Miss the Putt and you get.......

“All The Fish Who Can Eat You” Dinner…..

All Dinners being Served At the Clubhouse Pond.

Baitman Enterprises

200.03

200.02 - EtherNET Underwater InterNET

2007-12-29T23:09:00.000-08:00

Baitman Enterprises now offers Earthworm EtherNet Wireless Internet Services

To All Baitman Customers:

Baitman Enterprises is pleased to announce that it has invested "deeply" into the technolgy of the World Wide Internet and has developed its own Under Water WWW. interNET.

Imagine this....fisherman..... You can now search and explore for any type of Fish, in any lake, pond, or ocean with a single click. Never have to use a Line or Hook again..... Make your selection and the Fish is "hooked" by the Earthworm EtherNet....right to your Kitchen. Click on "recipes" and you are on your way to an High Tech Fish Dinner from Baitman.

An Independant Network

Fish Internet has built a totally independent, fixed wireless broadband network, bypassing other telecommunication companies altogether. This means that we can deliver superior service, cheaper plans and faster Internet speeds to you, in locations other providers cannot.

Because we are not reliant on any other telecommunications carrier, we can deploy our network wherever it is needed. We have already deployed networks in Fresh and Salt Water communities in the contingent USA states and way down under in Australia.

If you have a favorite Pond or Fishing Hole, you may link it to our "NET" by contacting the BAITMASTER: Ethernet-Fish@charter.net

EASY SET-UP & INSTALLATION:

Once you have purchased the Baitman Software and selected the "Monthly Fishing Plan" that meets your needs.... you will need a Computer and and "Landing House" for your "UP LOADS".

This is where all of your fish from the NET will go....so it is very important that you "Configure" your Landing Port properly. Baitman does provide Tech Support for installations at this time, but does not provide any security for "Worm" viruses that may attack your system at this time.

PLACE YOUR ORDER NOW:

Plan	Hours	UP-Loads	Fishing Time	Price
PRE-PAID HOURS
Easy Sucker Plan	100 Hours	Unlimited	Valid: 30 days	$65.00
Baitman Deluxe Plan	250 Hours	Unlimited	Valid: 90 days	$130.00

You can roll over your unused & expired bulk rate hours if you purchase another bulk rate packa ge.

Endorsed By Paul Harvey:

Mr. Baitman, Sir.... You have spent all your years in the Bait Shop promoting Hooks, Worms, and Bobbers and now....you are going High Tech into the NET....even after introducing the 36" worm....Please tell us the REST OF THE STORY.....

Baitman: THE REST OF THE "STORY".......of course, it is simple...

When people ask why we believe in the future of our company and our industry, the answer is not based on technology alone, but on what we hear from business and Fishermen around the region. They clearly understand the productivity opportunities and the associated standard of living implications that Internet communications solutions provide. The Fishermen have spoken and expressed their needs as evidenced by the last election.

Everyone knows that there is more Water than Land on this Global Earth Planet.. The Politicians of this world have taken over the "grass roots" communities and have forced many a worm to be subject to Urban "Crawl"... Enough is enough.... We have learned that we can create our own "NET". They got the Land , We got the Sea.....

Besides, it's Biblical.... The Worms and Water were here First..... Baitman only desires to unite Man with Fish, the way it was designed...... That's why we keep on developing NEW STUFF.

Baitman Enterprises
11/8/04
200.02

200.01 - Baitman Tide Detector

2007-12-29T22:50:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN RESEARCH DEVELOPMENT SERVICE

Baitman Advisory:

Don't even think of planning a Fishing Trip unless you first know where the Water is. The Moon makes the Water come in and come out....It is simply a matter of the Fisherman to be in the right spot at the right time.

This is just another reason that you must be a subscriber to BAITMAN'S

ETHER-NET , an underwater wireless service provider.

Many customers write to us and claim that they purchased our Worms, but claim that they still did not catch Fish. This is NOT at Worm problem, but a Fisherman/User problem. That is why we always try to research and develop more useless information so that you can use to order more Bait.

Don't miss that next big Fish cause you mis-read that 3.8 foot Tide adjustment on the small lake, or forgot about the 20 foot ocean wave when you were suppose to be at 16 foot. Make sure you sign up for the Baitman Tide Detector.

Baitman Enterprises
2-19-06
200.01

100.20 - WJR - 760AM -Worm Interview

2007-12-29T21:27:00.000-08:00

BAITMAN INTERVIEWS
MR. WORM

Morning Show: Feb. 19, 2006

Welcome , Mr. Worm, to our Morning Show. As you know our Fishermen Customers all depend on you to enjoy our lives and make our money. Please let our customers know the "other side of the story", from a Worm's point of view.

How are you?
I’m fine. How are you?

Note: The entire Broadcast Transcript is available from Baitman Enterprises.

Thank You, Mr Worm....... Indeed, you are our "Friends". We all look forward to meeting again on the next Fishing Trip.

Baitman Enterprises

2-19-06

100.20

100.19 - Vacation Plan Memo

2007-10-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

Vacation Plan Memo

To: Employee
From: Payroll Dept.
Date: January 16. 2005
Subject: Vacation Pay

Dear Valued Employee:

Our records indicate that you have not used all of your FISHING TIME-OFF pay for the last 30 years . As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service.

Please either take the next 2,400 days off work or notify our office, and your next pay check will reflect payment of $277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 360 months.

Please have your Boss complete Baitman Form # 86 (in triplicate,please) and forward to our Dept.

Thank You for your loyal servitude. Also, remember that you may purchase Gold, Bronze, and Silver Anniversary Pins from the Baitman Gift Shop for only $l4.95/each.

Sincerely,

Your Automated Payroll Processing System

1-16-2005

100.19

100.18 - Baitman Debit Card

2007-10-04T22:51:00.000-07:00

YOU ARE PRE-APPROVED FOR THE NEW BAITMAN DEBIT CARD.....

You have been selected to receive one of the First Fish Internet Cards issued by BAITMAN ENTERPRISES, already recognized as the BEST global Worm Provider.

This card connects you to all of the BAITMAN services that you have enjoyed over the years, but now it is all Wireless, Instant, and honored wherever you take your BAITMAN Card.

Use it for your next "Fish N'Chicks" Cruise, Order European Worms online, purchase hooks, bobbbers, and even Hook N' Cook recipe books from the Baitman Store.

Getting your BAITMAN card easy......IT IS FREE..... all you need to do is fill out the application.

We pretty much simply ask you to reveal everything about yourself, send us a couple of your old credit cards that still have some balance on them, to verify credit worth , and we take from there.

After we receive your Application we will forward to our Fraudulent Fishing Department for review. You can understand that some applicants sometimes overstate their "Net-Worth".

Once you are APPROVED... we will issue you the BAITMAN CARD and include a copy of the Terms & Agreement. For your convience, the following Disclosure terms are noted...but you need not bother with all that "Small" print... Just Grab the CARD and GO FISHING.......

Disclosures:

APR premium rates will be established based on the International market price of Worms. We use Asian Stock quotes since they get up earlier than most fishermen. Current interest rate is 19.99% plus per diem dock fees. There are no Annual Fees for the BAITMAN CARD, but deposits of of un-used credit cards deposited with application will not be returned upon termination of this agreement. A charge of 3% will be assigned to cardholders who do not maintain an inventory of at least 100 worm inches. A monthly purchase of (3) "36" worms will keep the account in good standing. Late Fees are $25.00 per biling cycle. You will be billed this Fee each month, but may get a Re-BAIT at the end of the year by filling out form Fish 2061b and submit one more "credit card" as identification.
Re-Baits may not be used as credit towards monthly statement, but are redeemable in the Baitman Store. International Use of this Card will be billed an additional $42.00/month. Those who order from our European or Canadian Worm stock will be assumed to be fishing ouside the US Waterways. An OVER THE LIMIT charge may also be imposed. Subscribers who catch more Fish than they are allowed to will be OVER THE LIMIT and Baitman is held harmless from all legal recourse. Fishermen who order BAITMAN PRODUCTS using the Card, and Catching More Fish than Bait Records provide will also be accessed the OVER LIMIT Charge. Fees start at 3.99/Hour. Any Questions: Just Call: 1-800-BAITMAN.

Baitman Credit Department

11/14/05
100.18

100.17 - Baitman Bed & Bath Products

2007-10-04T05:38:00.000-07:00

Baitman Bath & Body Products

Get Clean with "Dirt"

Baitman Bath Bar Soaps.
All Bath & Body products use the same essential Earthworm oils to ensure the perfect scent experience.
Available In Six Fragrances. Dirt, Beer, Fresh Fish, Natural Worm, Cool Rain and Morning Golf Course.

Baitman Digest: (as advertised)

I phoned the company as soon as I heard about it and ordered three bottles. “Can you ship them overnight?” I asked, frantic with excitement.

I tore open the package and stood holding one of the plainly-labeled bottles in my hand, trying to summon up the scent of earthworms in my mind. I thought of the garlic smell my composting worms were supposed to give off, and of the legendary lily-scented worms that are quite possible extinct now.

I can see the entirety of the earthworm story told in these fragrances. “Earthworm” and “Grass” like the nightcrawler castings on a golf course. WOW ....heaven on earth!

The entire collection of Baitman "Scents" are now available. Fishermen need to learn from our "Hunting" Friends - "Smell Right" to get get the BIG ONE.

Baitman Enterprises
100.17

100.16 - Fish Do Fly Sometimes

2007-10-04T05:25:00.000-07:00

Flying Fish Alert

Attention Baitman Customers:

We have recently been receiving letters from our customers that they are actually seeing Fish "Flying" around them, and eventhough using our Worms, can't seem to catch a thing.

Our first impression, was that this was a Fisherman's "Tail" to scam a refund from the Baitman. It makes no sense to be possible, especially if you are using our State of Bait - 36" Worm.

However, we turned the matter over to our Research Department, and indeed, there seems to be some credibility to the "FLYING FISH" phenomena being experienced by our customers.

Flying fish can easily be identified by their huge "flying fins" and lopsided tails. Flying fish are capable of jumping out of the water and gliding through the air over considerable distances. Two-winged flying fish have exceptionally large pectoral fins that they spread out like wings during gliding flights. In addition to huge pectoral fins, four-winged flying fish also have enlarged pelvic fins used for gliding.

Flying fish have deeply forked tails and the lower lobe of the tail is much longer and larger than the upper lobe. In preparation for flight, flying fish swim quickly towards the water's surface and leap out of the water. Once they are out of the water, the fish use their large wing-like fins and the large lower lobe of their tail to glide through the air.

The enlarged lower lobe of the tail acts like an outboard motor, the speedy sideways motion of the tail allows the fish to gain height from the surface of the water, and extend the flight time. Fish can glide as far as 100 metres and as high as one metre above the surface of the water, but most flights are shorter.

Flying fish use their unusual flying talent to escape predators such as swordfish, tunas, and other larger fishes and Giant Worms like the Baitman 36" Terratris.

Fear not.... The Baitman Development Center is already researching and getting information from our "Net" and "Clubbing" departments and is confident that we will soon be able introduce another fine Baitman Product to meet this Fisherman need.

Baitman Enterprises

2/24/06
100.16

100.15 - Special Delivery Service

2007-10-04T05:08:00.000-07:00

Photo: Cruise Missile Launched from a Baitman Cruise Boat

The Baitman, in cooperation with the Department of Defense, is proud to announce the FASTEST delivery of Baitman products - Right to your FRONT Door.... In 15 Minutes or less.

HERE'S HOW OUR DELIVERY PROGRAM WORKS:

1. When you place your order specify Special Delivery and include your GPS Coordinates.

2. We carefully pack your Worm Order in the Nose Cone of the Missile.

3. We can GPS your Order right to your House, Dock, or Fishing Boat.

4. Using a Lap-Top Computer, you can even Track the delivery of your order.

5. We Deliver anywhere in the USA in 15 minutes or less.

Warning:

The BAITMAN Delivery Service is intended for personal orders only. DO NOT use this service to send a "GIFT ORDER" to friends. Baitman is not responsible for delivery to wrong GPS addresses, or any Anti-Ballistic systems encountered in Delivery. Please include Shipping Charges with your order. (about $565,000). If you are interested in a "Core" Refund of the Missile Body, or any extra Insurance....please advise at time of your order. Thank You.

Baitman Press Release:

11/14/04

To learn more about how our Delivery System works -

you may enjoy the following video link:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/iraq/_common/_images/cruise_missile/flash.htm

Baitman Enterprises
100.15

100.14 - Homeland Security ALERT

2007-10-04T04:44:00.000-07:00

WARNING:

The Department of HOMELAND SECURITY has detected that you have "ATTEMPTED" to purchase Bait and Worms from the BAITMAN utilizing the Front Alias of the Trojan Busters Website.

Your order for Worms was viewed and documented in the Guest Book.

The Current Rate: $56.52 US = $63.40 Euro..... Please report to our New York Office and bring all Empty Containers with you to validate a Credit. Any that you lost on the Dock will be on you. Sorry.

If you desire any type of Amnesty, we suggest you get a lawyer or Contact your Baitman Supplier.

Executive Order: 365.410.211.3
100.14

100.13 - BAITMASTER - In Global Office

2007-10-02T22:30:00.000-07:00

100.12 - Baitman Tee Shirt - Limited Edition

2007-10-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

100.12 - Worms To Riches Chain Letter

2006-04-29T01:42:00.000-07:00

INSTRUCTIONS

Take all your excessive Worms, place them in a sturdy envelope and mail them to the participant named as the top of the list. Then - fill in the form at bottom of this document and submit it to the Baitman by clicking on the bar.

Your name will appended to the bottom of the list. When it is estimated that the current receptor has received his load of Worms, his name will be removed and everybody moved up a notch. In short order, you will have one million worms in your E-Box..

WARNING!
Do not break this chain! ....This is a one-time Baitman Promotion. Anyone who breaks this Chain will suffer Full Flotation Charges when ordering Baitman Products in the future.

SEND FIRST LOAD OF WORMS To:

Hilbert Sendmeallayourworms.Net

CURRENT PARTICIPANTS:

Joe Wishing on A Worm.com

Dougie Ice Cold Worms on a Stick.com

Berni I love All Chain Letters.com

Fill in the following form and add your friends: Remember, Every worm you send out gets you at least l Million worms. That makes a lot of Fish Dinners.....

Name:

Street:
City:

State:

Zip:

Baitman Disclosure Statement:

Baitman sponsors this Chain Letter only to introduce New Fishermen to the Wonderful World of Worms. It is understood that any of our Regular Customers, being enhanced with l million worms, would conscientiously donate the bounty to the "Save The Worm" Foundation and place their normal orders with Baitman at Full Regular Prices.

Baitman Enterprises

10/04/2004

100.12

100.11 - Drunk Worm Report

2006-04-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

SPECIAL REPORT FROM BAITMAN UNIVERSITY

Psychology Department: 11/30/04

Scientists get worms drunk

San Francisco - Researchers found a gene responsible for drunkenness in worms after plying thousands of the tiny creatures with booze, a discovery that could boost the fight against alcoholism.

The experiment was conducted by University of California and San Francisco researchers.

Because it is believed that alcohol affects all animals similarly, Fisherman, like worms, may also possess a single gene responsible for drunkenness.

"Our end goal is to find a way to cure alcoholism and drug abuse," Dr. Steven McIntire said. "We hope to develop effective therapeutics to help Fisherman from Alcohol Abuse". Fishermen are in a High Risk category due to their excess experience with worms that may not be Sober at the time of use.

After six years of work on the project, McIntire can now spot a soused worm about as well as a highway patrol trooper can spot a drunken driver.

He and the other scientists dosed hundreds of thousands of worms with enough alcohol that they would be too drunk to drive legally (if they were humans with the same blood-to-alcohol level).

The drunken worms moved slower and more clumsy than sober ones, and laid fewer eggs. Teetotaler worms form a neat S shape to power propulsion while the bodies of drunken worms were straighter and less active.

When worms go wild..........

Apparently, earthworm alcohol abuse is common and costs the country billions of dollars each year in lost productivity.

Have you wondered why you see worms littering sidewalks during heavy rainstorms?

The drunken invertebrates are normally deep in their holes, sleeping off another wild night of boozing. When the rain floods their cribs, the hung-over worms crawl out, pass out and sprawl out on the warm walks.

A tipsy wiggler is easy to spot, says project researcher Dr. Steven McIntire.

Totally toasted worms move slower than sober ones. The teetotalers form neat S-shapes to power their movement across the ground, he says. The drunk worms were straighter, less active and slurred their slime.

"We had several fights break out among the intoxicated worms," a researcher quipped. "A drunk worm is a mean worm. You don't want to be alone and run into one in a dark bait shop, I can tell you that."

Several researchers tried using the sloshed worms as fishing bait, with little success.

"They hang limp on the hook, too intoxicated to wiggle," said one of the fishermen. "Or they drown or get sick in the water and scare the fish away. Drunken worms don't make good fishing bait."

The good news is the research uncovered the gene that causes the pub crawlers to get pickled. Although drunken Fishermen are more complex than worms, researchers believe we too may have a single gene responsible for alcoholism.

That gene helps slow brain transmissions. Alcohol increases the gene's activity, slowing the brain even more. That's why drunks do so many stupid things, such as eating the worms in Mexican tequila.

When the gene is disabled or mutated, it can't tell the brain to slow down and act drunk.

That's great booze news. Genetic engineering may one day allow you to drink like a fish, but never get drunk.

Better living through science.

The study discovered that intoxicated worms lay fewer eggs than sober crawlers. That could lead to changes in Worm populations that are experienced mostly during the Holiday Seasons. Supply and Demand set the Global Market costs of bait.

No one knows how many worms misuse alcohol. The stubborn little wigglers refuse to fill out questionnaires after a day on the Beach.

BAITMAN is not particulary alarmed at this scientific study. At first glance, it would seem that a Happy Worm will soon make a Happy Fisherman. Baitman always cautions our customers to handle Worms with Care. However, if you are concerned about your contact with Drunk Worms, we have set up a special Support Group. Call: 800-AAA-WORM.

BAITMAN will continue to ship the finest and happiest Worms that are available. If you require Low-Alcohol Worms, please indicate on your next order.

If you have any excess Worms that you would like to donate for further Research Study, you may submit to the Baitman University. Please carefully pack all specimens in "alcohol" and clearly mark the alcohol content. Sorry, we do not accept any 3.2% samples at this time, All Worms become the property of the Baitman and no alcohol can be returned.

Baitman Enterprises
100.11

100.10 - Baitman Service Pak 6.0

2006-04-20T23:45:00.000-07:00

BAITMAN SERVICE PAK 6.0

The Fish, taking International Water Laws, into their own hands, have figured out that most Fisherman come equipped with a supply of Beer while fishing. Thus, they are now retaliating by using BEER to trap unsuspecting fisherman.

To protect our valuable customers......we are Introducing:

BAITMAN BEER - 6/PAK6.0 Windows version beta.(6x).

This Emergency Response Item can be ordered with your regular Worm/Crawler Order. Baitman suggests that you Download at least one Service Pak on each fishing trip. This will protect you from the temptations from the Fish Community who are attempting to BAIT you with "Free Beer"......

Don't Be a Sucker.......

FALL OVERBOARD ONLY FOR... BAITMAN BEER......

BAITMAN Enterprises

Disclaimer Note:

100.09 - Fish Mathematics Problem

2006-04-20T00:38:00.000-07:00

SOLVE THIS MATH PROBLEM:

Joe & Sam are both Fishermen and Rabbit Clubbers. Both want to Open their own Business. Joe specializes in FISH and Sam specializes in RABBITS.......Being Friends, and not wanting to compete against each other, they agree on an approx. 3 to 1 Fair Trade Agreement.

Upon Audit, Joe and Sam open their books and submit the following information. After reviewing the charts and graphs, please resolve the the questions below.....

RULES:

1. Turn Cell Phones OFF now.

2. Use Black #2 Pencils

3. Read All Materials and Show All Work Calculations

4. START Now...... Turn Paper Over & Raise RIGHT HAND when Finished.

OPEN THIS BOOKLET.......NOW......

Questions:

1. Comparing the Slopes - How Many Fish would it take to Feed One Rabbit?

2. If Rabbits are Vegetarian, How Many Fish would never be eaten?

3. If Rabbits have nothing to Eat, then how many Fish would survive?

4. Considering Breeding Time, and population replacement, would you think that SAM and JOE

have a Fair Trading Agreement of 3/1 ratio?

YOUR FINAL ANSWER...... PLEASE..............................................

Note: BAITMAN presents this intellectual thought activity for your information...just to let you know of some of the things that we have to THINK about to bring you, OUR LOYAL CUSTOMERS, the finest Bait Products on the Market.

We do serious Market Research.... We got Worm, Fish, Rabbits, Golf Balls, and just about anything else you might need. Don't be a Sucker to other bait companies......

Baitman Enterprises
100.09

100.08 - Fish Mathematics - Adult Level

2006-04-20T00:08:00.000-07:00

Fish Mathematics:

Suppose we have n particles (fish) with positions x₁, ..., x_n and constant masses m₁, ..., m_n.

The Newtonian motion of particles satisfies m_i a_i = F_i, where F_i is the net force on particle i and a_i is the acceleration or second derivative of the x_i position with respect to time.

If the forces between particles are gravitational, then net force on i can be the sum of individual forces on i due to all of the other particles. The force of particle j on particle i, F_ij, in the gravitational sense, may be determined by the following formula (|| || is used to denote the Euclidean norm).

If you want a coulombic attraction, ascribe charges to the particles and change the constant a little:

Note, the last term correlates to the direction of the force. If you want to try van der Waals forces, they are a bit more complex:

where C is about 1/10. While particles far away are attracted, particles that become too close are repelled introducing some interesting dynamics.

The differential equations for the motion of the system then become:

.

Given initial positions and velocities, we can hypothetically integrate these equations to find the exact position as a function of time. In practice, there are several ways of numerically solving this system, and one common quick (yet innacurate) method we use is the Euler method.

Additional BAITMAN Study Guides are available on Request.....with an Order for Bait, of course....You know how it works....

Baitman Note: To find the value of "fish" and to purchase further Study Guides, see Answer in the next Posting.

9/20/04

100.07 - Baitman Shareholder's Report

2006-04-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION:

BAITMAN SHAREHOLDERS.......

Baitman enterprises has always focused on creating long-term shareholder value and is alarmed at the recent "illegal leak" of Insider information from "Better Baits" who uttered and published the following statement:

Baitman Inc. ( BTM ) stocks fell to an all time low today causing the company to be
booted off the NYSE. ....... 52 week high $5.01 to 52 week low 0.07 share.
( BTM) anounced at a recent share holders meeting that this was primarily
due to its rival Better Bait inc.

It should be remembered to all that in the 2000 "State of the Bait" address that Baitman would be aggressively exploring the "Off-Shore Markets". Towards this goal we have introduced the "Canadian Crawler" and have partnered with the Koreans for a Fishing Cam Monopoly.

Last week we partnered with the Austrailians and developed the only "Super Terrestris" Worm - A full "36" inches...... The first order came from South Carolina. Evidently, this was a the last straw for the Better Baits empire and this Management action caused a "Crash" on the NYSE by suddenly dumping 75.000 empty worm containers on the market.

Better Baits laments.....

( BB ) NYSE , and due to the fact : " I have 75,000
empty worm containers and no revenue for worms to fill them."

The Worm World has changed since 911 and it should be be no surprise that the Baitman needs to become GLOBAL and enter the International trading market. This is mostly needed because some Bait companies like "Better Baits" engage in "Worm Strip-Mining" with no regards to environmental concerns and there are often reports that none of the worms ever get a good diet before presenting to the public.

The Board apologizes to any Shareholders that were not Privy to Insider Information (we do not do that type of illegal practice) that caused the New York Stock Market to Crash today. Rest assured that all of your stock has been transferred safely into the International Market.

You can see by the following Stock Report that we have firmly niched into the Worm Livestock Market and look forward to issuing the BEST Dividends per Ounce performance.

INTERNATIONAL STOCK EXCHANGE:

IPO - pics BAITMAN as AAAA stock. Commodity Worm Stock is traded per lbs and per oz. BAITMAN will soon offer On-line Trading. Users must review the Trade Status below, Agree to Baitman Loyalty Statement, and create a Password which allows purchase of worms of Foreign Soil. All worms may be used in International Waters at user's risk.

Address all Shareholder Inquiries to:

BAITMAN/worm/$$$/fish/.org.

Our Strategy is Intact and Working....We Hold the "Worm"....You hold the "Line".......
Baitman Enterprises
100.07

100.06 - Worm Science Project - Grades K-8

2006-04-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

Baitman Science Project:

Science

Project : for School.

Grades K-8 and

Great Prizes from

The BAITMAN....

EXPERIMENT:

How to Determine the Weight of A Worm:

WHAT SUPPLIES YOU WILL NEED:

1. One Fish

2. One Worm

3. Scale

4. Bucket of Water

5. Small Box of Fish Food

*** Note: No Hooks or lines needed in this experiment.

HOW TO CONDUCT THIS SCIENCE PROJECT:

You are trying to determine how much a "Worm" actually weights and your Test Documentation will be entered into the Baitman Science Fair.....

First, you need a good Fish. You may select any favorite type of Fish that you like. It may be Big or Small as long as it will fit in the Bucket. A Live Fish would be Best, but you may also select from the Fish Counter at Farmer Jacks.

Here's where the SCALE is very important. If you are using a Live Fish...weigh it on the Scale and record the number. It is advised to lightly "burb" the Fish to remove the water for a more accurate reading. If you got your Fish from Farmer Jacks, you can simply record the "weight" from the Package. Note: The "Price per lbs" does not affect this experiement, so pick the Cod instead of the Salmon to save some money.

Select One Healthy Worm and set aside. Do not put the worm on the Scale. Doing this will defeat the purpose of the whole experiment and you will end up not learning anything from this Project.

Fill your Bucket with One Gallon of Water....Do not use Salt Water, as that will give false readings. Now add a One Ounce Box of Fish Food to the Water.

Now add your Fish to the Bucket (Document Weight First)... Now throw in the WORM, Let the Fish consume all of the Food and the Worm. If you are using a Farmer Jack Fish, just stuf the Worm and Food into it before putting into the Bucket.

HOW TO CALCULATE RESULTS:

After One Hour, remove Fish from the Bucket and place back on the Scale. Record this weight, but make sure that you have "Burped" the Fish first. Compare the weights of the Before and After Fish, and subtract the One ounce for the Fish food......

Congratulations.... the difference is the Actual Weight of the WORM.

Baitman Enterprises

1/1/05
100.06

100.05 - Baitman Bath & Body Products

2006-04-19T23:14:00.000-07:00

Bath and Body Collection

( NEW ) SOAPS - Get Clean with "Dirt"
Baitman Bath Bar Soaps. All Bath & Body products use the same essential Earthworm oils to ensure the perfect scent experience. Available In Six Fragrances. Dirt, Beer, Fresh Fish, Natural Worm, Cool Rain and Morning Golf Course.

As advertised in Baitman Digest:

Customer Comments & Reviews

I phoned the company as soon as I heard about it and ordered three bottles. “Can you ship them overnight?” I asked, frantic with excitement.

I can see the entirety of the earthworm story told in these fragrances. “Earthworm” and “Grass” like the nightcrawler castings on a golf course.

This product now available in the Baitman Store. Order Today.
100.05

100.04 - Happy Easter - Fish Eggs

2006-04-19T00:02:00.000-07:00

TO: BAITMAN SHAREHOLDERS:

During this Easter Season we naturally think of EASTER EGGS.......but BAITMAN wants to remind you that we also carry a complete line of FISH EGGS....... If you are an environmental friendly Fisherman who is interested in the living a Low-Carb Diet, then you will not want to miss the following Information. This "other Egg" is the State of the Art and the "Cavier" of the Industry........

Fish Eggs For Caviar And Bait

Fish eggs can be easily processed into caviar or fish bait. For high-quality products, the egg sacs (skeins) should be carefully removed from the fish at the place of catch, put into plastic bags, and packed in ice.

Caviar can be made from the eggs of a number of fish including salmon, mullet, herring, sturgeon, steelhead, striped bass, and shad.

For the Holiday Season ONLY, we will package the FISH EGGS per dozen like the WORMS per dozen. However, next week we will be back to shipping our New "36 inch" worms and all Flotation Charges will be billed accordingly.

It has been brought to our attention that "Better Baits" is also running a Promotion. We caution everyone to "Examine ALL Baits before USE".......

WARNING: The eggs of cabezon are poisonous and should not be eaten.

BAITMAN ENTERPRISES WISHES YOU A HAPPY AND SAFE EASTER SEASON.............

100.03 - Baitman Bids for Port Authority

2006-04-18T23:29:00.000-07:00

Ports Control "ON HOLD"

...Baitman Bids For Port Authority...

Firm says it will work with White House, Congress on issues

Friday, February 24, 2006; Posted: 1:46 a.m. EST (06:46 GMT)

President Bush said Thursday that the deal to give control of Six US Ports control to the Arabs may have been a hasty decision in light of a last minute Bid by the BAITMAN.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Dubai Ports World has agreed to postpone its plans to take over management of six U.S. ports after the proposal ignited harsh bipartisan criticism on Capitol Hill.

T he announcement came on the heels of comments from the second in command at the Pentagon, who said Thursday that people who publicly oppose allowing a Middle Eastern company to take over management of some U.S. ports could be threatening national security.

The White House said Thursday that President Bush is now favoring the awarding of the Port Contract to The Baitman. This decision was fully endorsed by the Michigan Governor, Jennifer Graholm, who is most familiar with the Baitman from the Great Lakes State.

At issue, is the matter of National Security. It has long been known that most Containers that are shipped to the US ports are simply just not inspected. The Baitman has proved to be a Container Expert. Never was there a Worm Container not Inspected before going from one port to another port.

The merger -- which involves ports in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Florida and Louisiana -- Myrtyle Beach is is pending Homeland Security Review. Baitman Enterprises already controls the European, Canadian, and Mexican Crawler Ports.

The only opposition in congress at this time is Senator Hillary Clinton, NY who really doesn't know the difference between a Flag Pole or a Fishing Pole.

Details were not made public in the classified report. Bush Comments at Today's Press Conference:

"Improvements are needed in the inspection process to ensure that :"Weapons of Bass Destruction" or other implements of terror do not gain access to the U.S. through ocean going cargo containers,"

Baitman Enterprises

2/26/06

2006-04-17T01:47:00.000-07:00

100.01 - BAITMAN BEER KIT

BAITMAN BEER MACHINE....FOR YOUR FISHING BOAT.

Baitman introduces the new Beer Machine that easily installs in any corner of your Fishing Boat. Never worry about running out of Beer on your next Fishing Trip when you can make your own right on board. Connects to your l2 volt battery,

The Beer Machine is a self-contained, single-step brewer that makes brewing your own fresh premium naturally made beer as easy as brewing coffee.

BUT........DON'T ORDER YET........... The Retail Price is only $89.95.....but NOT if you are one of the first 2 Baitman customers who call in NOW.....

This Kit includes:

1. Beer Making Compressor - works on Free Air, Water, and 12 volt battery.

2. Secret Baitman Beer Mix - Comparable to Milwaukee's Best, but you can order other recipes.

3. Free Thermometer. Use for Fire Brewing Beer or you can use to get the temp of the water.

ORDER NOW....... and you will also get the Baitman Tee-Shirt and Two Baitman Mugs. Use your Baitman Debit Card and it is all yours for only:

$19.95

Plus the usual Baitman Handling Charges.

NOTE: This offer is in response to our many customers who declined our Baitman Tequila Offer. It seems that the Fishermen were only wanting the "36" WORM in every bottle and pouring the rest out. Even though there is no Worm in the Beer Kit, you may still order them separately and add to the Brew. ENJOY....

Baitman Enterprises:

3/4/06

100.02 - Grandpa Baitman's Shoppe

2006-04-17T01:27:00.000-07:00